Pelgris

There is a nebulous feeling that accompanies knowing that you should be doing something but not knowing how to. It’s a calm moment before the storm. You know that with a simple beginning you will place yourself on a new path. And what that will lead to, you cannot know. So you hesitate. You do something else. And all the while that subtle pressure builds. You know you will give in to it. You know you must. But choosing when is the only thing left to you. So you cling to that bit of control, until it slips away. And you find yourself at the beginning of a path you might not have chosen had you the courage to first set your feet and take that first step.
And instead of orchestrated action, you are forced to leap from improvisation to improvisation always trying to steer things back on course. It gets to be addictive. The improvisation. The averting of disaster by shear force of will, intelligence, and cunning. And that’s when you know. The fall is coming. Maybe not soon, but soon enough. Because no one averts disaster forever. No one remains in lucks embrace. Eventually, it won’t be enough. And hopefully, when you fail, you won’t bring everyone caught up in your wake crashing down with you. Better to set yourself on the path. Better to choose, and be ready to improvise. Use the right blade for the job and everything else will be easier.