Center of attention
Panic floats under
Carrier waves of information
Completely in control
One on one
Get into a group in the same context
Adrenaline rush
Then inevitable crash down to headache
Not every Sir is a extrovert
Often
We focus on you completely
Because to focus on us
Is too completely hard
poetry
I give you my word
Too late to say all the things
Can’t get to you in this night hour
Can’t talk unless you check your messages
Just shouting into the ether
I can’t walk up and have a conversation
You are nineteen hours away
This talk over message
Like thin gruel
To spending time and letting it come naturally
Finding excuses to have a conversation
Finding cat videos so you can say how cute
Eyes full of hearts emoii
That used to be for me
And I pretend that you mean it for me
That I’ve given you the excuse to say how you feel
But there’s a world of difference between there and here
And I’m fading away
Lost in the silence of what we had
And the tinny reverb that we have now
Painful shadows of what was
Waiting for the dawn
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Drifting cloud blots the sun
Sitting on a bench in the sun
Hard to forget half said promises
Spot a crow among pigeons
Wondering at its story
What lives unfold without us knowing
Lamenting that yours is one I’ll not share
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Living inside, you forget
Eyes
Pinpoint stabbing
Inside the eyeball
Outside after too many hours indoors
Feeling the world
The press of wind
Sounds of the city moving like grasshoppers and bees
Furious to eak out one more minute of leisure
Even the birds chirp quietly
Afternoon siesta
Blinking painful in the shade and cloud covered sky
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Blank stare into the too blue sky
Not a cry for help
Just crying
Overwhelming lonely
Paper airplanes
Filled with memes
One sided conversations
Trying to keep lines open
But bleeding out instead
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Losing value
Pull forth stones
Presented in facet
Bloody
Covered in bile and muck
Not all are rubies or jade
Just diamond
Just common brilliance
Made precious by forced scarcity
Simple
Transparent
Valueless
Made wonderful by lies
By marketing campaigns
Fire pressed
Jade and jasper
Forged by seconds ticking away in a roar
Until we can’t hear ourselves think
Until this is it
And a shaped piece of steel and nitre
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Outside the supermarket
You ask me for time
Like time is free
Like I have all the time in the world
Well
Maybe I do
But it’s my time to sell as I will it
Maybe that’s sitting in an office
Because they pay me to be there
Maybe that’s sitting in my car after lunch
Soaking in the heat
Falling asleep in the afternoon cause I don’t sleep at night
If you are going to stop me
Make it interesting
Pay me for my time
I have as few moments as anyone
Buskers and musicians
Always gonna get my money
Performance is always paid
I’m already giving to well researched charities
Why should I give to you in front of the restaurant wanting to explain why you’re here
Seems callous
I know
But I give what I can already
You asking me for more is me digging into my life and sacrificing
So you better have the monster pitch of the century
Or take the easy route
Play an instrument
I’m a sucker for that
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Four AM thinking
Trying to be normal
But I’m nowhere close to good
Wondering what’s next
What falls apart now
What longstanding relationship
Falls away
I thought the risk worth taking
But really
What do I know
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Tiny goddess
Slink quiet
Deathly shadow glides
Seen from the corner of eye
Look
Gone
Wake from deep slumber
Yellow eyes inches from face
Claws sinking in
Rhythmically
Rumble
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I’m no thief of dreams
I have
In arms encircled
In promises bled
Known passion
Known love
Each time blue flame
Burns higher and higher
Each time, snuffed out
This jealousy of possession
Why allow it when
Love multiplies
Those who are free
Give freely
Those who are otherwise
I cannot take what is not given
Your only cause to fear
Look internal
I refuse to be the cause of love breaking
But I will, pick up my friend
Hold them cradled in my love
And whatever will be
Will be
Pelgris 