Feeling the blood pound through my veins
Thinking only of you
My passion and my pains
This current pulls me to you
You feed the fires of my desires
But we are not a thing of the moment
We are bound by so much more
Love calls us, passion builds us, respect guides us
I will not fail us.
I will fight for you.
I think I’ve posted a poem exactly, almost, like this one. I still love this woman. Her situation hasn’t changed but I foolishly hold out hope that she will make a choice that changes it. I think that is stupid of me. But I don’t want to lose her. Being beside her is often enough. That’s so rare. But I know I need more. But I will hold on to us as long as I can.
every secret
every truth
spilled from lips
I long to kiss
I’ve made my choice
I wait for you to make yours
There is nothing I desire more than to have the love I am, the love I send out be returned to me by those I love. I suppose that’s where my failure lays. That I need that love to be returned to me.
It’s counter intuitive. When we love, we want, we desire, that love to be returned to us. But that is placing a boundary on love. It is saying that I will only love if I gain from doing so. And that is not love. That is calculation, that is want.
Or perhaps I am painting myself as someone to be held to a different standard because there are none who return my love. And it is easier to say that that is a fault of humanity instead of my fault. That those my heart love are always the ones least likely to love me back.
Or maybe the truth, TRUTH, lays somewhere in between. Maybe I need to be a bit more forgiving of my own needs, my own desires.
Or maybe I just need someone to hold me and tell me it will be OK.
Perhaps I should accept the fragility of my heart and just accept that as long as I am honest in my love, as long as those I love know that They Are Loved, I have done all that I can.
Last gasp of day
Giving itself to the moon
A long held friend
Bound for simpler things
Without a compass
Or business plan
Guided by a heart
Full of love
And pain
We love who we love. You may not understand why I love the people I do. Or how that love manifests itself. But it is love.
You cannot fix me. I am not broken.
You cannot outlaw me. I have tasted freedom.
You cannot remove my rights. I will fight.
I have loved regardless of gender.
I have loved people.
I have loved individuals.
I love now.
I will love in the future.
I am not alone. We are not alone.
If you find that my words are alluring or poetical verse turns your head, then know that I am not trying to seduce, not trying to entice, not trying to deceive. These words and phrases are who I am. My words are not empty, not pretty playthings. They are promises and truths. I say the things I say, always telling you truth. You do make my heart beat faster. I do dream of you. Sometimes it’s sex and sometimes we hold each other but you are in my dreams. My mind and heart have no short term plans. You are not a game I’m playing. You are someone worth being with. Worth valueing, worth seeing for who you are now not for who you were.
Alicyana Challenged me to The Quote of the day challenge, where in a quote is selected each day for 3 days.
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
~ Khalil Gibran.
Nominate:
This is where I nominate 3 Bloggers. Here instead I believe I will open it up to any Blogger that wishes to do this. You have been prompted. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
Alicyana Challenged me to The Quote of the day challenge, where in a quote is selected each day for 3 days.
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear
Nominate:
This is where I nominate 3 Bloggers. Here instead I believe I will open it up to any Blogger that wishes to do this. Be sure to mention that I prompted you. You have been prompted. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
I am very used to referring to Morgan as the love of my life. Even my phone has seen that phrase so often, it predicts that phrasing. I think I need to put that aside. I think I need to say she was my first true love. Because, I am still alive. And it is not fair to anyone I love in the future to feel like they contend with a memory. Because they don’t. I love the people I love for what they are. I don’t compare them to her. I, frankly, don’t understand why I would. They are not her. How could I, in honesty, compare them? If I love you, it’s because I see something in you that is worth the pain, the price I always pay for that love. And I hope, that if you, whomever you are, give me a chance, I hope you will love me as I love you. But, as the song goes, I would never say I love you dear, just to hear you say it back.
Pelgris 