Cacophony gives voice to silence. Gives it wings to fill the empty spaces, it whirls and eddies, sliding into place unbidden, nightmare and night walking hand in hand, simple in the silences. My darling silence in the silver river of dreams. Woken to the rattle, rolling of bones. Dripping from tongue and fingertips pressed deep into flesh, holding on lest the whirl pull you away, my silence. Unbidden I am free, though I cling to you my tempest. Sugar honeyed silence, taste and tasting. Illusions are the most tempting vices.
Poems
Future passes as quickly as past
I am the slaughtered remnants of life’s diminishing. I sing deep and greyscale, shifting sands playing melodies in graveyards. Ash precipitates from a pink sky, made beautiful in chaos’ light . Wracked sobs breaking the too still day.
The pain of remembering a good life made beautiful by the haze of times passage. Furys sound like anguish in unbroken night. Only the hollow future beckons me forward
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Paen
I dance a paen to life’s dawns turning.
To storm and wind
To rain and night
I dance a paen to the ever changing wheel
To stillness and cacophony
To roil and smoke
I dance a paen to the flashing blade
To blood and bone
To razor and gasp
I dance
I dance
In stillness, in pain, in fury, in hopelessness
I dance at the turning of the world
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Social pressure
The weight of a smile, full force come round again
cheeks burning with disused muscles, forgotten feeling, cold ignites shivers, skin tight against jaw worked down to bone
Fair heart nestled in memory
Sleeps tendrils grasp
Pulling deeply
Trembling with the weight of a smile.
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Simple its not
The past bears down, a blood tide churning up bones. The weight of it it squeezes me. Wrings me out, tears flowing. Suppressed here, where weakness or the perception of weakness would destroy my carefully crafted edifice. I feel like I’m flying apart, locked down. Isolation required before the inevitable crumble of will. It squeezes my heart, these days leading to anniversary. Ten years gone and I still can’t let you go.
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A year passes
The waters are stilling now. ripples from her dropping into the lake of me with the violent Splash Kerthunk of a boulder. Drifting to the bottom stirring the settled depths. Amidst turmoil and change, to be back round again. In the same place, lamenting choices taken and not. She stirred me up then gone like ghost. A memory only. The possible writ large. Crumbling in the quiet. Then a love so mental it consumed my mind, a key given to one who chose to not open the lock. A series of missteps, then a physical fire consumed and consuming. Extinguished before it could flame out. Then a mistake. Harsh lessons, and I settle in for Winter. The banshee wind howls outside my fireplace warmed room. The first snows are falling. And all my searching comes round to this empty.
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Struggle to wake
Summer morning into mourning
In twisting and yearning
Struggle to present the smallest of faces
To keep from knocking on your door
Your passionless castle
A cane to my back
As I hopelessly fall
I scrabble against high walls
Clinging in hope
This shadow is burning
Soon there’ll be no place to hide
Only yearning but falling apart
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The weight of it
The heat pours down
Liquid and languid
Cell walls filling in
Flowing inward
The weight of it bears down
Painful but on pleasures ragged edge
Breathe comes faster, body tightening
But
Like a poor lover, foreplay without the payoff
Exhilaration in the beginning
Dwindling down to “stop, enough”
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Turn and turn
Summer is fading, it’s falling, it’s failing
Heat running out of the world
Fueling the dervish spinning and frenetic dance of life’s diminishing
Shelter taken in stolen moments
Arms holding, keeping the cold at bay
Heat leeched out, mirage of warmth
False start leads tumultuous slip
Winter flows into shallows filling up summer’s forgotten dwells
Cold Embracing summer warmth
Lovers passing
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Past is passing
Fingertips pressed
hands clasped,
sliding arm against arm
then embrace
eye to eye
tongue on tongue
melding together distinct but
intermingled
tongue on tongue
eye to eye
embrace
pulling away
hands clasped
fingertips pressed
distance
apart and alone
Pelgris 