This is a sick song if only for that drop and breakdown.
Author: Pelgris
Is this some weird form of insecurity?
I think I may be bad at flirting
But not really bad but just because
I’m not flirting
Or I am but I’m not playing games
or something
I’m just talking and saying what I’m thinking
And what I’m thinking is that I see you
And in seeing you
I see something wonderful
And I say hey, this thing about you is really awesome
But I don’t follow up because I’m not flirting
Not to say not interested
Just not playing a game
I know that sounds like bullshit
Or like a game in and of itself
I’m just being sincere and people say kind or nice
And I am just like, ‘huh?’
Cause I’m just saying what I feel
Not trying for an outcome or to be seen
I’m a weirdo
I’m aware
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Deeply held games that are no such thing
There is pain in the things that are ignored
No rest for the unnoticed
Desires well fed by dreams
Forgotten upon waking
Always they come
Dreams and words
Wanting nothing more than that they stay
Instead dwindle
Grow distant
Declared you mine
You didn’t realize that outlined my obligations
Not yours
But I do wish
You’d say the same
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No sleep mambo
She consumes me
Heart on fire but no words
Say yes
Take you into my hands
Make you safe and unsafe
Dance hands across skin
Across throat
Air dwindles as euphoria spreads
I know she doesn’t want me
Her heart a danger
Can’t help how I feel
She doesn’t want to know
Again and again on this circus wheel
Making the same mistake
Only one ever wanted me
And I failed her
I don’t deserve anyone else
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Nothing stops
The fecund stink of fresh turndown earth
Sweet summer grass spouts green stalks
The soft bud peaks in the still gray of dawn
Fresh air and the slice of cold wind
Lost amidst the summer waves
Soft wind
Warmth of day grows
Heat builds
Secrets whisper
Bones ache with tired
Brain fills with lies that sound like truth
Sleep the only refuge from hopes blade
But still
The heat envelopes
The night closes in
Stars breathe life to darkness
And the moon
Rises
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Night grows as summer begins to fade
Say you are the light
But that’s not me
Instead I am the vast infinity of night
The darkness that envelops you from sight that makes it easier to sing at the top of your lungs
While driving somewhere you don’t want to be
The darkness that inspires you to car dance because for a few minutes you are free and alone enough to be yourself
Hiding you from sight of judgment
The night that stretches out its hand and holds you safe in its arms
And in the night we see worlds and stars that promise new worlds
New possibilities
New chances for things to work out
To be different
Nothing against the light but we gave up on each other a long time ago and summer
Much as I love your heat, your light and I broke up a long time ago
We keep in touch like friends from high school
Waving high as we pass by on Facebook
But me, I am at home in the night sky
And the cool dark of infinity
And the soft welcome light of the moon
I know it shines because the sun reflects off her surface but though she hides her face from us
She still chooses to share
And maybe that’s because she knows
The light obscures
Shows us this infinite blue
But night and darkness show the truth
I’ll take a truth over a warm spoken lie
And day of the weak
Night
I’m so happy we get more of you now.
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Cold hands press to hot eyes
You trip past my safeguards
Dancing with sway through my eyes
Down neurons
Through nerves
Bursting like bright stars
We touch
Explode in annihilation
Whether in destruction
Or creation
We can’t know
Until the haze fades
Either way
You linger
You exist in me
Vibrant viral
Inseparable
Symbiote or parasite
Can’t tell
But I feel alive
And lost
You’ve stepped away
As lightly as you came
Your energy lingers
Consuming me like fire
Unchecked by your control
Pieces ignite
As they resurface
I burn forever
Haven’t found the extent of corruption
Do I even want to?
Or is it better to let your flames
Ignite me in the knowledge
That for a time
I was desired
And so
May be again
By stranger tongues
Eyes
And touch
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Too tentative
I’ve been told that I’m squishy. Or too nice. That I was too sappy or too romantic.
It’s true and not true.
Tell me what you need and give consent and the Claws can come out to play. My limits are few but I need consent to be given. Otherwise, I’m just a man who will help and emotionally support you, like a good Sir but never crossing the line.
Not because I don’t know how or don’t want to cross it, but because I do.
Consent, ongoing and enthusiastic, should never be seen as a bad thing. There are those who would say that I should just take when it seems like consent is given. I can’t. I won’t. Informed, enthusiastic, ongoing. It’s the only way to fly or float as the case may be.
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Pep talk for the tired
I just want you
Just want talking in the morning and touches reassuring me that you’re real
Just want stupid jokes and silly songs
Just want Dominance and submission because I’m unwilling to sacrifice a part of my identity to conform and neither should you
Just want arguments. That’s right. Disagree with me. Let’s talk it through and come out stronger, or at least feeling OK about the compromise.
Just want talks about our days, the minutiae. It’s in the cracks that flowers bloom.
Just want passion. From sweet forehead kisses to romantic gestures to mind blowing creative sex and sensual play.
Just want all of you. The things you hide. The things you consider bad. The gross. The beautific. The highs and the lows. Everything. Everything.
You. Who are you? Maybe we know each other. Maybe it didn’t work out. Maybe I ruined everything. Maybe you did. Maybe we see each other but never think, yeah let’s see. Maybe we jumped too late or too soon. Maybe we have yet to meet. Maybe I don’t look like what you are looking for. Maybe I’m too blind to see.
But I am looking. Am hoping. Am wanting. I’m not waiting. I’m active. Find me. Look for me. I’m looking too.
It is all possible. Don’t give up hope. Don’t give up.
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Nightmares are also dreams, A Pel and Sara story: part 4
The reality is, this ring is hidden. They’ve existed in a city where I have been hunting. Existed and thrived. They’ve raped, broken, and sold people. We have no evidence that their depravity extends to women alone. There could be men or others.
The hell of it is, nothing they’ve done is outside of what some consider play. Edge play to be sure, but still play. And, if I’m being honest, the monster in me saw the videos and was excited. Aroused even. Ideas I’d normally take home and propose to my Sara as a good time.
Of course, if it was just play, I wouldn’t be doing this. But they take without consent, they push past the red line and past safe words and break their toys. They Enslave them for real. And something dark in me smiles at the thought. And perhaps this is part of why I loathe them. My life is made up of trying to control the darker desires. Channel them into acceptable ways, if just barely. And these people are breaking these women. Girls, just discovering who they are, and taking away their choices. Without consent.
And that alone condemns them to death. But as I said, they have operated under my nose for years. Maybe I just didn’t want to see. Maybe I was too consumed by my small group of curated friends. Maybe I don’t seem like enough of a misogynistic bastard to fit in with their crowd.
I contemplate all of this as Jen drives me home. Outside the cool black leather the harsh desert air shimmers the asphalt. I go home to my girls. No progress made. Not really. We are still trying to find a way in.
And I’m feeling frustrated in more than one way. After these days, I won’t say we haven’t played but it’s all been so relatively tender. Paddles and clips as far as we go. I know Sara is feeling it too. Tomorrow, I will have Jen escort Tara shopping. Tomorrow, Sara and I will unleash. It’s been too long. I ache for her screaming. For her tears. I need to see her fear and lust.
Make no mistake, I love Tara. I love the tenderness and the gentleness of having a pet. Taking care of her is a pleasure and a joy. But, I also love my wife. And we are compatible beyond the bedroom and beyond the rules. But…she needs play time, too. And her play is pain. And as much humiliation and depravity as I can muster.
I have so many ideas. We’ll see how many we make it through before our Tara returns.
Pelgris 