A little doubt starts it
An irritant, a nothing
Then desire, unrequited
Jealousy, heartache, hope,
joy, crash, euphoria,
experience, finding, losing
It all wraps around that seed of doubt
Tight and tighter
Hollow in the pit of the stomach
Ache in the chest
Quiet despair
A slope ending in ending
Something Breaks it open
Shatters the form
It all falls away…
Leaving the tiny seed of doubt
She moves
A grace of coltish charm
Full of restrained energy
Her raven hair
Sets mind to light
Though heart may join soon after
Her lips do bide
Not far from mine
Sparks and other choices
My voice to her
My passion turns
And I, Say Always
Love’s choice made
Bittersweet
But filling
Last gasp of day
Giving itself to the moon
A long held friend
Bound for simpler things
Without a compass
Or business plan
Guided by a heart
Full of love
And pain
We love who we love. You may not understand why I love the people I do. Or how that love manifests itself. But it is love.
You cannot fix me. I am not broken.
You cannot outlaw me. I have tasted freedom.
You cannot remove my rights. I will fight.
I have loved regardless of gender.
I have loved people.
I have loved individuals.
I love now.
I will love in the future.
I am not alone. We are not alone.
Inflicted by silences
Taken for granted
A punishment for long ago pains
actions aren’t punishable forever
Words spoken, of forgiveness, not matched with action
Need this slot you fill rather than needing you
Why you put up with it is a mystery
Guilt he never lets you forget
Abandoned, silence, neglect
Bought a nice toy to perpetuate the myth
All is well, remember what you did.
Embraced by dark emotions, captured by them
Remember the light
Don’t fall for the allure of the comfortable
Just because the pains aren’t physical
Doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.
Let my words caress as I cannot
Asleep, on a blanket, beneath Autumn sky
No chance I’ll stop liking you, girl
You are never far from my thoughts
This cavalcade of days, needing you more
Days without you, not worth the time
An impossible hope coupled to impossible choices.
Someone I care for has said that I push boundaries. Like it is something that I actively do. My perception is that I know who I am and what I want. I may not know day to day what I’m doing and I get lost all the time but ultimately I have a rock solid idea of where I began and how I got to here.
My ideas are evolving. I am evolving and learning. I change as time passes. We all do. I’m just paying close attention and shaping myself as I go. Is that pushing boundaries?
I think of boundaries as the lines we draw ourselves with. Mine are spokes radiating outward. Ebbing and flowing to encompass new ideas or discarding old ones. Is that pushing boundaries? Or is that, at least for my self, a disregard for the existence of boundaries.
It’s not like I don’t fear things. And I hate changes I have no influence on. But my self? I think I am not willing to be defined by boundaries. Lines that I won’t cross. There are a few. I have defined those. But they are more broad outlines with escape clauses should it prove necessary.
Perhaps I don’t define myself by the boundaries I won’t cross but by the things I will do. Maybe that is the more accurate statement .
completely familiar
Caught in limbo
Between wanting and having
Between talking and touching
Stuck in amber
not wanting a way out
Or away
just trying to find my way
to
Shaped tendrils reach out snapping
Disturbed maelstrom whir
Each idea more toxic than the last
Flying apart
“Hold it together”
The long road
Each cautious step
Little by little
Against my nature
Made worthwhile
by the sound of your voice
Fighting, fighting to keep from jumping
Flying apart
“Keep it together”
I don’t know how we end
… I hope that we don’t.
Pelgris 