Identifying oneself as a Dominant in Bdsm is not about the bedroom door component. If that is all that someone can think about, that’s a red flag. At best it means that they are for fun but are not a relationship. At worst it means that they are an abuser who is drawn to the idea of a “willing” victim.
No. A Dominant creates a mental safe space so that their partner is free to drop the burden of being in control. Of being the person who is responsible for themselves and those around them. It is taking the care to make their hearts and minds feel inviolate. To feel as if they can and will be taken care of.
There are bedroom door aspects but those are private. That is what the bedroom door means.
If someone disrespect your privacy in this regard, either by leaping to a conclusion or ‘researching’ on the internet as a way of attacking what you have said…then it should be addressed as a privacy violation.
I see being a Dominant as being a part of my being. It’s not a hobby or an interest. It is a part of my soul.
It is part of what allows me to navigate through the world. A bedrock principle.
That is why I talk about it. Why I am open about it. Why I write and post about it. Because, to me, hiding a piece of my soul is a wound that will not close. What is hidden cannot be healed. Cannot become strength. Cannot grow in healthy ways.
So I have the talking points of what it means. Publicly. To take care of and give space to someone you love and care for. To give them the freedom to let go of control and just be. Which I know is anathema to some. And I know it’s where misunderstanding creeps in. Because, they can always tell me stop. And stop is inviolate.
It is a way of being and communicating when it is at its best.
But, private questions are private.