Losing time

Sleep steals thoughts
Feeds dreams
Dreams better than this
There I know why things happen
There I have a measure of control
Waking
Nothing has changed
Into the future by a few hours
Not nearly enough

Outside the supermarket

You ask me for time
Like time is free
Like I have all the time in the world
Well
Maybe I do
But it’s my time to sell as I will it
Maybe that’s sitting in an office
Because they pay me to be there
Maybe that’s sitting in my car after lunch
Soaking in the heat
Falling asleep in the afternoon cause I don’t sleep at night
If you are going to stop me
Make it interesting
Pay me for my time
I have as few moments as anyone
Buskers and musicians
Always gonna get my money
Performance is always paid
I’m already giving to well researched charities
Why should I give to you in front of the restaurant wanting to explain why you’re here
Seems callous
I know
But I give what I can already
You asking me for more is me digging into my life and sacrificing
So you better have the monster pitch of the century
Or take the easy route
Play an instrument
I’m a sucker for that

Four AM thinking

Trying to be normal
But I’m nowhere close to good
Wondering what’s next
What falls apart now
What longstanding relationship
Falls away

I thought the risk worth taking
But really
What do I know

Tiny goddess

Slink quiet
Deathly shadow glides
Seen from the corner of eye
Look
Gone
Wake from deep slumber
Yellow eyes inches from face
Claws sinking in
Rhythmically
Rumble

I’m no thief of dreams

I have
In arms encircled
In promises bled
Known passion
Known love

Each time blue flame
Burns higher and higher
Each time, snuffed out

This jealousy of possession
Why allow it when
Love multiplies

Those who are free
Give freely
Those who are otherwise
I cannot take what is not given

Your only cause to fear
Look internal
I refuse to be the cause of love breaking

But I will, pick up my friend
Hold them cradled in my love
And whatever will be
Will be

Fires rage unchecked

Love burns through
Consuming self
Pain perfect crystalline
Unnoticed until
Caught scintellation
Raw
Unfocused
Burst forth in screams and tears
Heart pulse pounding in ears
Like a caught hummingbird
Gasps of breath
Empty despair
Love burns what it once illuminated
Liminal fire
Raged unchecked
What once created
Forged truth
Built sanctuary
Leaves ash

Cyles

Pains fade as understanding rises
Understanding brings revelation
Revelation brings insight
Insight breeds interpretation
Interpretation plants doubts
Doubts burst forth in infection
Infection spreads to overthinking
Overthinking runs wildfire
Deprived of fuel, wildfire fades
Leaving only pain and uncertainty
Pain fades as understanding rises

Depression is a liar, you are worth more than this

What shadows have wrought can be
Weaved into strength
What pain has bought can be
Turned into beauty
What despair crumbles away
Can be rebuilt

We are none of us so bound by circumstances that we are shackled to what we have now
There are always choices
Hard choices mayhaps
Terrible choices
But always there is a chance
And if help is required or merely desired
Look to those who love you
Who will sacrifice for your joy