Answers to questions

Naughty Nora asked some questions on her blog so I decided to answer them. All congratulations to her on the award!

My answers
What are the top five on your bucket list?
This isn’t something I really have. I don’t define by a place or an action. I guess I define by a situation.
So top five in the order I think of them
1. A woman, man, or combination in my arms night after night
2. Someone who reads something I write and tells me, thank you, I needed that.
3. I would like to look at the world and think “This is good. I think humanity has turned a corner. I think we have a chance.”
4. I’d like to sing my songs in front of a audience. And have the confidence to do so.
5. I’d like to read a story to someone I love. When I had someone to do that with, I wasn’t the same man I am now and I never thought would be something I would want.

What is your favorite sexual fantasy?
Watching my lover have sex with others. Encouraging them, watching them move to full abandon, to see them take more and more and at the end I make slow passionate love after the rough. And I hold them and comfort and tell them how proud and happy I am. That they are mine and safe and respected.

What does blogging do for you?
Blogging gives me an outlet for my emotional outbursts. It gives me a place to voice my thoughts. It let’s me write poetry that I need to write. And it let’s me write fiction that I genuinely enjoy sharing.
It gives me connections to people who I would never meet. It makes me a part of a wider world.

Who has been the most influential person in your adulthood?
This is a hard question. I think it’s a group of people. It’s all the people I’ve loved who I entered into a relationship with and that relationship failed. I’ve learned so much from what worked and what didn’t. About what I’m willing to do and allow in my life and what I want. About what I need. And who I am.

If you could choose one movie star to sleep with, who would it be?
I wouldn’t. I need a strong personal relationship with someone if I’m going to fuck them. Otherwise, it’s empty and since I’d carry the memory forever, I’d just not.

What is your favorite non-sexual activity?
Listening to people tell me about their lives. That’s my favorite thing. I like reading for the same reason but it’s also that connection. That connection is paramount.

What is your favorite body part?
Tongue. To talk, to kiss. To explore.

What is one dream that you have made come true?
I am a better writer today than I was yesterday.

What is your favorite song and why?
Impossible question. I don’t have a favorite song. I have entire playlists for different reasons.

What is the funniest or grossest thing that has ever happened to you during sexual activity?
I was standing at the edge of a bed and I’m tall so I had to bend over and she was at the edge. I’m fucking her and I start to feel my feet sliding on the carpet I try to maintain my footing but I just can’t. The floor was so slippery. And slip and I fall down. And she looks at me like what happened.

You just have to laugh

Rambling thoughts

For all that I have spent time in this world, I feel like I haven’t started yet. Like the only barometer for success I will acknowledge is a life shared. Something I haven’t had in years. I have friends, but I feel like I dip in and out of their lives unable to fully realize that connection that says to talk to them each day even though I desire to. It feels awkward to always be the one to make contact. Like I’m imposing on their lives. With a romantic interest, I feel like I am invited to make contact though I think I take that too far, maybe too fast. I share every little thought even if it’s weird. Is a bunch of little texts throughout the day day weird or one long one that rambles, is that more weird? Am I too concerned that I come off as weird? Anyone that reads my work, has to know I’m weird, right? That I see most things differently. In some ways, I wish that people I am interested in would read my work. On the other hand, I have written extensively about several breakups and their emotional impact and about an unrequited love situation that ended as was inevitable. So they can see just how idiotically romantic/foolish I can be. Or better to know that going in? I may seem a pushover in alot of things, when I’m in a relationship. A soft touch. I’m a big believer in velvet strength. Soft when possible, gentle unless necessary. Then unwavering steel. But if there is no need, you may never see the steel and assume it’s not there. I fight for those I love but I can only do so when I know that there is something to fight. Or to fight for. I want to be chosen I suppose. It’s the only way passion lasts in a relationship. To choose the person you are with, each day. Choose and choose again. Live each day with them in your heart, knowing you are in theirs. That they are choosing you. Maybe that’s too much pressure? To know that I am actively choosing? I don’t know. Or maybe, to their mind, I say I love you too soon? I only say it when I feel it to be true. Not everyone I date hears it, it just happens that those that do tend to hear it ‘early’ in the relationship. I listen to what my heart is telling me. I discern fact from the vapor of nuance. Sometimes, I’m wrong. But I’d rather be wrong about something potentially wonderful and take the chance than be wrong because I failed to take the chance. Though I am, admittedly, a bit wary now. It’s just hard to lose something beautiful for something wonderful, then lose it all. Doesn’t stop me from wanting the everything, despite the pain or the possibility of pain. Though I am a admitted masochist, so perhaps it’s not so unlikely. I could ramble like this forever, one thought bleeding into the next, but I have to go to work.

Just questions.

How can I be tired of not kissing you, of not being with you when I’m not sure who you are? Yet, that is how I feel. A bone deep weariness that steals over me, when I think about this person in my dreams. She always looks the same, her voice is the same. The thought of her voice fills me with longing. Does she look like she does in the dreaming? Will I recognize her? Or, depressingly, is she a hope unrealized of a heart cast open wide? Does she not exist, except in the heart of who will love me as I love them? Am I asking questions without answers? A chicken or the egg. Does she exist in my dreams because she loves me or because she will love me? Does it matter? I will seek her in my dreams, to hold her in my arms. I will do so until we meet and as often as I can after. Am I just a romantic fool, looking for someone who isn’t?

Top 5 questions I really want an answer to on a date.

1. What is the worst experience of your life? What is the story of it.

Why: Our experiences shape us and I’m rather a dark cat. If your life has been mostly sunny then there may be some compatibility issues.

2. What experience or experiences have been the best? What makes you feel at peace, happy?

Why: What we see as worthwhile and how we experience beauty is a part of our fundamental selves.

3. Do you like music? What do you like about it?

Why: If you don’t like music then we’re going to have issues. Music is a major part of who I am, I honestly have a hard time relating to someone who doesn’t like music or worse just sees it as background noise.

4. Do you like reading? What do you like about it?

Why: pretty much the same why as 3.

5. What types of art do you like? Why?

Why: Art reveals what we are passionate about.