I didn’t sleep last night. I can feel the weight of those lost hours bearing down on me. But I chose this, to stay up. And watching the clock, saying that old mantra, “If I go to sleep now, I’ll get 2 hours, get 90 minutes, get 20 minutes, get some caffeine and hope I don’t fall asleep while driving”. Then I read my email. I usually only check a couple of times a day. Because I receive a bunch, most of it junk. But like gold from silt rise the words of the blogs I follow. There really aren’t that many. I have a criteria where I have to like 3 pieces to follow them. That insures that they have my attention and time. And I read some posts and like and comment, in my sleep deprived brain zombie state. And I see someone’s blog has gone private. Someone who I like. And maybe this is the sleep deprivation or that I’ve been watching Legion, but I have this brief image of this guy dressed in black just thousand yard staring into the distance. And I know that’s me. And you know people have reasons, generally good reasons for going private, but I always hear Morgan Freedman’s speech from Shawshank Redemption ending with, “I guess I just miss my friend.” Sleep deprived me can be maudlin. But no less true. It’s like a light winking out in the firmament. And my universe is a little dimmer.
Naughty Nora asked some questions on her blog so I decided to answer them. All congratulations to her on the award!
What are the top five on your bucket list?
This isn’t something I really have. I don’t define by a place or an action. I guess I define by a situation.
So top five in the order I think of them
1. A woman, man, or combination in my arms night after night
2. Someone who reads something I write and tells me, thank you, I needed that.
3. I would like to look at the world and think “This is good. I think humanity has turned a corner. I think we have a chance.”
4. I’d like to sing my songs in front of a audience. And have the confidence to do so.
5. I’d like to read a story to someone I love. When I had someone to do that with, I wasn’t the same man I am now and I never thought would be something I would want.
What is your favorite sexual fantasy?
Watching my lover have sex with others. Encouraging them, watching them move to full abandon, to see them take more and more and at the end I make slow passionate love after the rough. And I hold them and comfort and tell them how proud and happy I am. That they are mine and safe and respected.
What does blogging do for you?
Blogging gives me an outlet for my emotional outbursts. It gives me a place to voice my thoughts. It let’s me write poetry that I need to write. And it let’s me write fiction that I genuinely enjoy sharing.
It gives me connections to people who I would never meet. It makes me a part of a wider world.
Who has been the most influential person in your adulthood?
This is a hard question. I think it’s a group of people. It’s all the people I’ve loved who I entered into a relationship with and that relationship failed. I’ve learned so much from what worked and what didn’t. About what I’m willing to do and allow in my life and what I want. About what I need. And who I am.
If you could choose one movie star to sleep with, who would it be?
I wouldn’t. I need a strong personal relationship with someone if I’m going to fuck them. Otherwise, it’s empty and since I’d carry the memory forever, I’d just not.
What is your favorite non-sexual activity?
Listening to people tell me about their lives. That’s my favorite thing. I like reading for the same reason but it’s also that connection. That connection is paramount.
What is your favorite body part?
Tongue. To talk, to kiss. To explore.
What is one dream that you have made come true?
I am a better writer today than I was yesterday.
What is your favorite song and why?
Impossible question. I don’t have a favorite song. I have entire playlists for different reasons.
What is the funniest or grossest thing that has ever happened to you during sexual activity?
I was standing at the edge of a bed and I’m tall so I had to bend over and she was at the edge. I’m fucking her and I start to feel my feet sliding on the carpet I try to maintain my footing but I just can’t. The floor was so slippery. And slip and I fall down. And she looks at me like what happened.
You just have to laugh