Feeling the blood pound through my veins
Thinking only of you
My passion and my pains
This current pulls me to you
You feed the fires of my desires
But we are not a thing of the moment
We are bound by so much more
Love calls us, passion builds us, respect guides us
I will not fail us.
I will fight for you.
You’re so close but I can’t touch you
So near but I can’t have you
I miss you when you aren’t here
Miss you every minute
But you’ve said you can’t
So I sit
Stuck between my need
My want
And the choices that aren’t mine to make
For I shall kneel at the altar of shadows
And dance amidst dappled pools of light
I shall drink from the cup of the ages
And sing with the choir of night
I supp at the table of wisdom
and tumble into dawns cold grace
I have slipped deeper into submission
and slept in her razor embrace.
Times passage
bound for glorious revolt
seeping wounds
give way to scars
aching in the winter chill
There’s a hole in my heart
From it spills sand
Draining across oceans
Bringing me to you
I wander
I seek
I find you
But not you
They each shake their head
And walk away
Taking with them bits of sand
There’s a hole in my heart
And I can’t find you
Perhaps you will wander to me,
Looking for a place to stay
I am not just a fantasy
I’m flesh and blood and flaws
I’m missteps and mistakes
The things that make me unreal
All hard fought for
Hard won
At the expense of other things
Don’t make of me perfection
It will never last
I’ll give you my song, a poem
Sung in minor keys, whiskey stained
A tenor damaged, broken baritone
A past that creeps in, triumphantly hopeful
Fae dances in moonlight, broken masks
Screaming pain to the crowd, shattered pieces
Music in the night blooming flower, beautiful despite
The strands of hopes ending, strength subsided
Kiss me, I’m silent
Break me, broken glass heart
Why follow me
Lead through the mists of my own dissolution, disillusion
Lost in the loves I can’t quite reach
The ones never quite enough
Like a pincushion of blades
Each support the other
Pull one to watch me fall apart
Watch me as I eat my feelings
All to keep me from buying that shotgun
And finally going through with silent plans
Follow me?
I can only lead you to dark places
Where cries and screaming, sobs
Break the too still silence
And that’s on a good day
When planning fails to give way to plotting
It’s not a solution, but it is, isn’t it
When you believe in a afterlife and you won’t be judged for walking away
It’s the peace of not being
But I have my fear to keep me here
My fear that I am seconds from finding her or him and I just need to stick it out
They say you have to love yourself first, well I like myself, love maybe but here’s the thing about they say
THEY don’t know shit
Time heals all wounds? Bullshit spouted by the delusional and the optimistic that have never been wounded deeply.
There’s someone for everyone? What if my someone is dead or speaks Mandarin and lives in rural China? Bullshit
It’s a cakewalk of platitudes when you’re looking for answers
Or maybe just a place to lay your head
And a hand to hold, lips to kiss
And words to say
A touch to be free
spun sugar
dance
make love,
Feel my hand
My heartbeat
Caged in feigned innocence
Last flutter
Sipping bird takes flight
Lost in the shallows
A touch away from madness
All I want is you
Pelgris 