Codependency is bandied about as if were a bad thing. And, in a culture where being independent is prized, it may be seen by the society at large to be a bad thing. But is it truly? We are pack animals and I use pack deliberately. We have pack dynamics which are nuanced rather than herd dynamics which have a tendency to take all cues from a single leader. As pack, we are dependent on each other for safety, for health, for joy, for love. That humanity forms its own packs rather than relying solely on extended family is different but not unique.
So back to codependentcy. We see it as bad because we have this notion that we stand alone and standing alone is strength. It’s one of those siren call lies. We want to be enough for all things but that is neither rational nor healthy. Codependentcy is only a bad thing when it subsumes your one personality supplanting it with the hopes and dreams of the other. In other words, when the behavior travels into psycopathy.
And that’s where media fails us. Because, in search of a quick engagement, we are told quick and unnuanced information. Like, codependence is bad. Video games, bad. Movies, bad. Etc, etc…
But what they fail to say is that these things are only bad when they have a negative impact on your well-being.
So obsessed with social media that it negatively effects your self image? Bad.
Going on Instagram to see pictures of puppies? Not bad.
Play that mmo until you fall into a coma? Bad.
Go on a weekly raid with your guild? Not bad.
So codependent that your personality is subsumed by the will of your partner? Bad
Being with a partner whose strengths compliment yours and whose love reflects your own? Not bad
This notion that depending on someone or liking something is a bad thing is all situation dependent. And to what extreme you are experiencing that thing. And the fact that we are made to feel guilty or made to feel as if we need to justify our choices because of the improper application of psychology is galling.
Excellent post, Pelgris! Seriously, the wisest message I have read in a long time. XOXO
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 1 person