Shimmer of falling light

How can I be
A dancer on the precipice
When I am so afraid
To fail

Can I choose
A path forward
A step between
To a point of the infinite

What feels like falling
Strength wars with the push
Sleep a promise unfulfilled
Searching for a place of safety

Knowing all along
We might not all make it
Knowing the step forward is the only choice

But all roads are open
How to choose
When choices shut doors
Leading to
Instead of away

Three by three

I’m struggling to find the way forward
Maybe finding myself in the same place
You look for and find but mainly
Nothing has changed
Just a bit older
A few thousand more words marking passage
A bit less happy
When you are defined by grief, letting that grief go is the hardest thing to do.
You find yourself untethered but without an anchor, what are you?
I know what I am. Perhaps that’s the worst thing. To know what you are and still see no path forward. Just stuck in this shallow waiting for a glimmer of some hope

The past speaks and shapes

Could be the light but I shine too narrow
only to the few do I burn
all else know me for darkness
bit and piece, all slip shadow
one to hold, one to kiss, one to love
Or arm in arm strike pose
But know me for a thieves lantern
Hooded and focused
Spilling not wide but focused
And each to each
One moment in sorrow and another
Spend joy
Spinning between grace and oblivion
Consumed by swift and sweet
Heart slows
Beats pound and breath comes languid
Hold you tight
But watch you slip free my grasp
These faultlines
Taste terrible freedom
Better to dream
Than live in forever
In your normal life

The world ends and begins again

I must come to the conclusion that I am the only constant in my tales of woe. I twist and change month by month but will that ever be enough? I stretch.

My thoughts and beliefs change. But am I judged by them and not my actions? Or are past actions, told and retold. A spectre haunting my future as surely as it stalks my present. Should I stop acting from the heart? Much as doing so would pain me, is it the correct action? Should I be less open, less honest?

I feel like I’ve been traveling this road awhile and each time find myself back at these same crossroads. Marked by discarded bits of myself. Left mouldering on this lonely moon drenched road. Should I pick up one of those pieces? Become what I was and vowed to never be again. Or discard another layer and step forth again?

I wait and dither, hoping I’ll see something that will make the choice evident. Or failing that someone will show me a new path. But I’ve taken so many, maybe the same path can be made new by traveling it with someone? But who would that person be?