The sky weeps for the passing of beauty
Ripped from this world by terror
Asleep in the belief of safety
But waking in pain
Looking into the face of one’s god
Pleading for succor
But there are limits on us all
And so we weep
And the brothers who hunt the land eternal
Rage as sight is blurred and torn from us
Stand vigil in the windswept madness
Of a pain
It occurs to me that I missed a post on Monday. For the first time in more than 3 years…
On the one hand, I can justify it by saying that yesterday was a crazy day and I stopped at the end and just passed out.
On the other, I have to decide if that is just a bullshit excuse. If being tired and busy excuses a failure of honor. Of a promise made.
And I have to say, it does not.
That may seem harsh. That lapses occur and that things sometimes fall apart.
The reality is that I thought several times yesterday of writing or posting something and I chose not to.
We make time for the things that matter to us.
Fundamentally, that is what this is.
While my writing matters, it is the interaction with others that I miss. And my page has become a ghost town of likes thrown out like flowers. And I sit by the passing parade, alone.
I’m more connected now than I have ever been and yet I feel so alone. I feel like I’m just getting my feet as those that I love are moving into new phases. And leaving me behind.
And I feel no jealousy for them…but I do feel this dull ache of everything changing and being lost in the background.
A fallen leaf, once part of the community, drifting down, away from succor into the dying light of autumn.
To justify my love
having been told so often that it can’t be
that it’s too soon
I find myself in a constant war of justification where I say “I love you…”
waiting for the rejection
waiting for the no
waiting for the hesitation that says your love is scary
and I say
in that forced brittle cheer of the beaten
and all flinches “…but I love everybody.”
which is sorta true
I love all the people I love and have ever loved
but I diminish my words
scrunch down to make them fit
this too small container of what is acceptable
I’m the broken one for my love
I’m the tragic fool for my open heart
it’s always too soon
until it’s too late
All that bleeds
All that bends
In the shadows blend
For last regrets
And times last bet
A heroes welcome lain
The score of souls
That I have bought and paid
Bend down my ear, you fallen shades
And whisper secrets, old
The world spins
The wheel burns
And chains that bind cast free
We in this debt
All past, regret
We forge a newer way