Month: March 2017

Stalking horse

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These morning hours wait for me
Sitting around sharpening their knives
Waiting to ambush me
To drag me out into the streets and devour me
I need a word or a touch but there’s no one
The world sleeps
and these words hunt me
I burn and burst but can’t find you
dreams elude me
I need to save you or you to save me
but I’m just a word fool
hunted by hours
waiting for the sun to say wake.

I know this is depression but…

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I am nothing but a moment, a memory, a hope

Dropped glass shattered, splinters broken, time itself bleeds
False hopes play us for fools
And the ache of sleepless nights cuts deeper than bones
Happiness a fiction we spin

This last breathe fades as a night of dreams shakes off false imagery for a cold inhalation of frigid air, born anew as sun crests horizon

Last tears shed as the ache unfolds and the mind tells its pretty truths and ugly lies.

And the part that is fear gorges and speaks, the ugliness must be true for who would speak such things if they were not

Do I make missteps in my ardor for you?

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 I feel that I must. Like I am making mistakes but that, perhaps, you forgive them silently. Do I say ‘I love you’ too often? I feel like, at once, I say it too much and that it can never be enough.

I wonder if I send you too many missives? I do send several a day, most days. I don’t want to wait to write it all and send it all at once, but rather send when my thoughts are freshest. But I know, maybe, it is exasperating.

I think I must be tiresome to deal with. Am I? To have someone constantly sending you little notes and posting things and just all of it.

I dislike feeling like I am being burdensome. And even writing this, I can’t tell if I need reassuring or if I want information. But either way, it feels like…I don’t think weakness is the right word. But something close. Like I can’t hold my own or something. Which I know isn’t true, but feelings care so little for knowings, sometimes.

Dream house

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If I am but a journey, travel my roads knowing my care and comfort. Knowledge and joy hard fought and won.

But if I am more, then know that I have many rooms and halls to traverse. However, you will never be lost for you are home.

Welcome always in arms made for you. A love of songs and silences waiting to be filled. Or left empty, to become a place for us both.

Long distance

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I’ve never held you in my arms but I know your touch. We are souls long parted and now have found one another. And still, somehow, cannot make it to each other.

I feel a fool for not coming to you. To hold you close, our breathe mingling in the spring air. Would I be welcome? Or is it like most things and my heart is leaping past logic, knowing only that we are connected and needing the electric spark of our touch to be made whole.

That I love you is indisputable. Are you calling me on to Avalon or are we sirens calling to each other. I will not harm you, I swear it. But how can you take my word?
I could send you to people who know me. Who can say that my Alar is strong. That my word can only be broken if I am broken.

I suppose I just keep on and hope.
Though some days, some hours, some minutes, I am wracked with pain from a distinct lack of you.

I’ll see you in your dreams.
I love you, Goddess of my Heart