I hate the thought that someone may be waiting for me to ask them something, that if I just asked, I could be with them. I hate that idea, how can I know how you feel? Just ask me, the answer will likely be yes. And if its no then at least you’ll be free.
sex
What’s old is new again
I’ve stated before that I find sex comfortable. It’s easy, like breathing. At least now, at least for me. I’m good at many aspects of it, could use some improvement in others. Always be learning. But that’s not really my point. I say it to merely frame it because what I mean to say could be construed as lack of or being bad at sex.
It’s not the orgasm or the sex or all the varieties of kink I enjoy. Though kink is going to hold my attention longer. No, at the base level it’s being with someone who shares an outlook. Be they geek, book nerd, writer, poet, Sub to my Master, or musician. Its that sharing that draws me, and much as I enjoy the physical side of such relationships, it is the mental side that is the most interesting.
And sometimes on the physical side, I don’t need sex. If my partner needs it, then I will express myself in that language. But for me, sometimes I just want to hold them, to demonstrate that I have them. That they are safe, cared for, cherished. And yes loved, though that can take time to develop.
It’s odd, right? All the connection in the world without compatible sexual views and at most you have a friendship. All the sexual chemistry without the mental component and at best a fuck buddy. It takes the two aspects together to make it more. And the way I seem to want to express that is to hold them. To keep them safe. Its an odd realization that me keeping my partner safe is the way I choose as the most caring. Or perhaps not given aspects of my past.
sex is a partnership
the wet strength of your tongue caresses
catch your eyes,
drink in your gaze as the pleasure rolls through
reach down and pull you up,
tasting your mouth that tastes of me.
straddle my mouth, tasting your beauty
Fire light
Consuming fire, lick my flesh
pull the ropes tighter, wield the whip
strike flesh, pull cry
firelight throw shadows
devolve to grunts and growls
reduce to screams
panting pleading for more
one more touch, one more taste, one more
Talk
I talk about love arguably more than I talk about sex. I suppose it’s because when I’m in love and I’m in the relationship, there will be sex. The sex will be good, will be interesting. I take it as a given. I will do my best to make it so and I have the skills to make it so. And I’m always learning more about everything, including sex. Anatomy, what works, what doesn’t. I guess I just assume, and the more I read and listen I learn that is not most people’s experience. At least, even if I am not in a relationship, I know that my lovers had a good time during sex.
A fantasy
I want to go to your work and sit under your desk. I want to run my hands up your legs, kneading them. Slide my hands to your thighs, denim jeans impeding, run my nails across the fabric with enough pressure that individual lines of force dance across the sensitive skin.
Reach up, still hidden, unzip the jeans. The sound loud and clear to anyone passing by. I push my fingers through the slit. The rough teeth against the back of my hand. I trace you and hear your breath catch. I grow hard. Unable to do anything but touch you. I slide my hands over your panties until they are soaked with you.
The scent of sex hangs heavy over your desk. People who pass by look at you, effort on your face to maintain. To not gasp and grunt. When you can’t take it anymore you make your way to the ladies room. Making sure that the coast is clear, I follow. Putting a out of order sign on the door I slip in. Water is running and you are splashing water on your face. Trying to come down. That won’t do.
I sit you on the high counter. I remove your shoes, then your pants. I run my hands across the goosebumps from the too cold air. I remove my shoes, then my pants and underwear. I stand erect, precum dripping from me, I put on a condom. Thin walled, to feel you.
You are right at waist height, I spread your legs, holding them apart at the knees. Pulling your panties to the side, I step in, guiding myself into the warm, wet center of you. You clamp your cunt over me. I thrust into you. I put your legs around my waist. Inviting you to clamp down. I thrust, pause, unbutton one button on your blouse. You undo your bra, freeing your tits to be squeezed and tweaked as we fuck in the center of your work. Only an out of order sign keeping us from discovery.
I can’t hold back and start thrusting faster, your tits bouncing, hard in the cold air. I cum, but you don’t. Not yet. I pull off the condom, dick semi hard and covered in cum. I order you to your knees, a compromise to what I need, “suck me clean”, I order. You kneel on my pants, looking up, you place your mouth over me. Licking me like a lollipop, sucking the last drop of cum, I watch you swallow.
Then back on the counter for your turn. I sink down on my knees, head between your thighs, tongue thrust into you, tasting where my cock had been. Licking and sucking. Nipping and setting teeth on, using my hands and tongue until you start to shudder. I slip another condom on, hard again from hearing your animalistic groans and yips.
Then quickly stand, hand still working, keeping you right at the edge. I thrust into you, left hand thumbing the upraised nub of your pleasure, right holding and squeezing your tit. I thrust into you, you spasm around me, orgasm rocking you, I keep thrusting frenzied, needing to cum, needing to feel the orgasm as you ride the high of yours.
A minute, an hour. Panting, sweating. Nothing but the warmth, the wet and you. When you cum the third time, pushing, grinding down on my hard but sensitive cock. I know I’m not going to cum again. I stop thrusting and kiss you. Your need, and kiss, hard. Sucking my tongue. I stroke into you, just wanting to savor this. To feel connected to you.
What I see
I want to make love to you in a room full of strangers. I want to show these people that your sensuality cannot be quenched. That you are sex itself and my desire for you burns like plasma. I want you to feel their eyes on you as you orgasm again and again. I want you to see the envy of your pleasure, their eyes flashing as my tongue and hands and cock bring you to climax again and again and again. I want you to see that you are a queen. I want you to see in their eyes, in their lust what I say about you. That my words are all true. That you are sex and lust itself. I ache to burn in your fire.
Dream
I dreamt that I met a beautiful woman, she was thin, slightly shorter than me, small, almost flat chest, elegant hands perfect for holding or kissing. She was smart and we talked about music. I kissed her and she was gentle at first, then more forceful. Her hair was soft and I ran my hands over her. Trailing the edge of fingernails over the lingerie, black lace she wore. So damn sexy. I moved to go down on her and found a surprise. A five inch cock. Thin and perfectly groomed. I looked up at her and could see the fear and trepidation in her eyes. Holding her eyes with mine I ran my tongue up the length of her surprise. I took her in my mouth, running my tongue against the softness, sucking and swirling. Replacing my mouth with my hand, I trailed kisses up her abdomen, paused to suck a tit, then kissed the small of her throat. I whispered to her, your beautiful. I remember having sex but not the rest of the specifics. I woke beside her, her ass snuggled down against me. I reach over an pinch a nipple. She turns to me and murmurs good morning and looking into her hazel eyes I am turned on. We have sex again. I ask her out to a real date. We go eat Italian. Then we are leaving the restaurant and as we exit, her in the crook of my arm, snuggled against me. I hear someone say something behind us, something like Faggots. Maybe they saw her lovely little Adam’s apple. A woman is who she is, a dick is what she has. Anyway, I’m enraged. I turn and ask, threateningly, did you say something? He swaggers over and says, I said Faggot. I say, Oh, I thought you said please stab me multiple times and leave me to bleed out in an alley. I pull a blade. He backs away, fear in his eyes. I turn back to my beautiful. She has fear in her eyes too. I put the blade away. I walk up to her and holding her hands, I say You are mine. I will protect you from every hurt as best I can. We walk off to the movie. That’s all I remember.
Stream of consciousness
Set adrift, spin round, paper boat on the wide sea, drift tide pulling back to launch,full circle, accomplishments lost to anonymity, lamentations for a life lived as others cannot understand, foreign and exotic, what to explain and what to leave behind, stories and thoughts lived in other lives, explain a piece that feels incomplete, justify passion, wonder at your touch, then dropped, more puzzled than sad, quizzical, what I write disconnected at times to how I feel, consciousness streamed through a leaking sieve, I think back and you certainly left an impression, bloody damn memory based in touch, I remember damn near every moment with you, and others whom I did love only get fragments, I’d love a second chance to fuck you, this time in a room less cold, spin top, drink wine, play the games we promised, never ask for a fantasy I haven’t tried, there are so few, ask for what I desire with you, you’ll not be disappointed, oh recent past stands out, past people can understand, past that doesn’t involve a whip, a lash, blood and screams, her desire was singular and my desire to give her all coupled well, I owned her and out of selfishness failed her, and every day since is a curse, I died as she did that day, I just didn’t lay down, I’d seek redemption but I don’t deserve it, faltered once in my ideals, will never falter again, this makes me strange and twisted, sexual sensual, a walking talking mixed signal, sex and lust: kiss and touch but never far enough until love, by which time everyone has since flown, sex as a good time, belittles us, makes mockery of its beauty, can you not love as I love, just a bit of time to fall then you’ll have all of me, love need not be permanent, immutable, love me this night and for three nights, fall as I fall, we need not be the whole of each other’s world’s, but we should be more than just a orgasm
Pointless
I’m tired of this pointless rut carried out in words. This diversion, this flirtation leading to nothing but inflamed thoughts. I’ve spent years in service to the pleasures of the flesh. Easy now to recount, to regale, but without you near what purpose? I’m right back to that jaded point where I am weary of the pleasure centered on cock and cunt. Explore with me the sensation of touch but leave off those. Too easy, too simple. Explore pain and music, sound and sensation. Taste, pressure. Speak of art and philosophy. Weave with me a story. Ascend past the barrier of flesh into resonant wavelengths. Dance and sing, give voice to the internal monologue, let me hear your every thought as you think it. I want more than the pleasure of simple desire. Give me complexity, conundrum and puzzle.
