in the wake
of loving you
fear wars with joy
in the wake
of loving you
fear wars with joy
Slip awake to distant dream
From feel of warmth and skin to skin
To this cold remembering
This desperate touch of dream
Of eyes held
Of hands clasped fingertips
Of silence pressed out
Thin on the edge of shattering
The heat of our bodies
But minds touching
The spark originates
Then traverses this bridge
Bound eternal in our spinning
The sound of breathing
The rise and fall
You sleep on.
Know stability amongst chaos
I dreamed last night about a woman with dark hair. A bit curly. with dark eyes that smouldered. She had curves and valleys. She was looking for something and found me. I don’t believe that I was what she was looking for. We ended up in my bed. King size, cream colored silk sheets. With a 4 point suspension rig. Kissing her was like kissing a waterfall. Tentative, just the edge then power and passion that nearly wipes you away until you are standing in the middle, fierce joy and need, a fire burning. Our clothes disappeared and we stood with our imperfections baired. We fell on each other like starving wolves. Tongues and nails. Teeth and flesh. The first orgasm was a thing of abandon and need. Something that tore out of us to beat heavy on the warming air. We slowed long enough to hear her desire to fuck me with a strap on. Flash to me face down in the cooling sheet while she pounds into my ass with a fuschia dildo. It was glorious. Pain and pleasure and the thought of the beautiful woman wanting this. Flash to us spent on the bed.
I look quizzically at the suspension rig and she nods eagerly. She likes pain and being out of control, sometimes, then. I lock her in and suspend her. Black leather caressing and spreading her. Exposing her to me. Vulnerable. Safe. I take her. Edge her to orgasm then pull back. Until she’s writhing with need then push her over the edge. Again and again, until she is limp and spent. Her body shuddering in aftershocks. We are sweating and the air smells of sweat and other things. I get a towl. Soft. I clean her and myself off. She is falling asleep. I snuggle down next to her and sleep.
I wake some time later. She is gone. I rush out in a robe and find her walking home. I say, “Stay. You can stay. Have breakfast with me. Have lunch. Stay.”
She says, “I have to go. I’m looking for my daughter. I think I met you at the wrong time. We could have been something.”
I say, “Find her, then come back to me. You are safe here. Always.”
She just looks away.
I say, “There is no right moment, no perfect time. There is only this moment. This time.”
Then I woke up.
Note: This is a from BDSM Connection~only BETTER: The Sanctuary
So, how is BDSM not abuse? How are near drowning scenarios not abuse? How is whipping a sub not abuse? How are any number of the things we may encounter or participate in within bdsm not abuse?
The answer is simple, really. In bdsm an entire scene, every element of play — ALL ACTIVITY — can be stopped with a simple word (or sign, if there are gags or other things that impede speech). The submissive OR the dominant can “safe word out” of whatever is in process. This is without exception in every safe, sane, consensual dynamic.
Keep in mind that bdsm consists of a complex group of behaviors between consenting adults. The use of “consensual” here means that while there is always an exchange of power and almost always the giving and receiving of intense erotic sensation and/or mental discipline, the participants both have equal power to end/cease/pause any and all activity.
In this regard, the submissive is actually considered the participant with the most power. Yeah, I know. You were convinced the dominants have all the power. We don’t. And we shouldn’t. And that is because BDSM includes intimate activities within the scope of informed consent that is freely given. The “freely given” part should not be overlooked. This differs from abuse. As abuse might include physical, sexual, and/or emotional acts inflicted on a person without their informed and freely given consent.
The BDSM-Leather-Fetish communities recognize the phrase “Safe, Sane, Consensual” as the best brief summary of principles guiding BDSM practices:
Safe is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing, and acting in accordance with that knowledge.
Sane is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality, and acting in accordance with that knowledge.
Consensual is respecting the limits imposed by each participant at all times. One of the recognized ways to maintain limits is through a “safeword” which ensures that each participant can end his/her participation with a word or gesture.
Informed consent must be judged by balancing the following criteria for each encounter at the time the acts occurred:
*Was informed consent expressly denied or withdrawn?
*Were there factors that negated the informed consent?
*What is the relationship of the participants?
*What was the nature of the activity?
What was the intent of the accused abuser?
Whether an individual’s role is top/dominant or bottom/submissive, they could be suffering abuse if they answer no to any of the following questions:
1.) Are your needs and limits respected?
Is your relationship built on honesty, trust, and respect?
2.)Are you able to express feelings of guilt or jealousy or unhappiness?
3.) Can you function in everyday life?
4.) Can you refuse to do illegal activities?
5.) Can you insist on safe sex practices?
6.) Can you choose to interact freely with others outside of your relationship?
7.) Can you leave the situation without fearing that you will be harmed, or fearing the other participant(s) will harm themselves?
8.) Can you choose to exercise self-determination with money, employment, and life decisions?
9.) Do you feel free to discuss your practices and feelings with anyone you choose?
cut off from the world
In your cocoon of blankets
Snuggled down against the noise
I’ll crawl in beside you and hold you
Touch the back of your neck and say, “I’m here,
So, I just took a traipse through several blogs that were talking about consent in BDSM. I frankly found the content there frightening. Not just in what is considered consent: Outside of edge play, which not all are suited to despite their desires, the Dominant should not lose control. As the dominant, you should not allow yourself to be so taken in by whatever activity you are engaged in, that you edge into non-consent. There is a difference between play fear and real fear, and if you see real fear, then you need to call yellow yourself. You need to check, that consent is still given. You cannot just assume that once given it is given for the scene entire. Consent is not one and done. It is a continual affirmation that they are good to go. For some dominants, that is not what they want to hear. They want to hurt, to cause pain, and the thin veneer of initial consent is enough to get them to act. That is Sadism. Which itself is fine, within the strict limits of control. If you yourself, are unable to maintain that control then it may help to have a 3rd party present. To ref the action. If you so lose yourself, that you cannot determine consent from non-consent then that is a problem. Not insurmountable, but measures should be taken. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. It is not just a catchphrase. I take safety and Consent very seriously. And I check to see that my actions at least are sane. You cannot be engaged in dangerous play of any kind without rules. That is in play as much for BDSM as it is for knife fighting, or blood play, or underground fighting. Rules are made and enforced to keep us all safe. And keep a nurse or doctor on hand if possible, I’m not saying that non-consent cannot be roleplayed. I’m saying that as the dominant, you do not get a free ride to do whatever the hell you want. you must be aware at all times. I know a few who are dipping their toes into the life. And I am genuinely afraid for them, the wrong top or master and it could ruin the experience. I have been called too safe. Too in control. Perhaps. But I have seen the results of the other way.