I hate that everything present me wants is predicated on the plans past me was able execute and stick with.
That what I’m working towards could crest the horizon but because I started fixing my situation late, or stopped fixing it due to circumstances, or sort of half way did it while in other areas continued to work towards the goal without surcease, because of that, I might not be one hundred percent ready
And doesn’t that just kick my anxiety into high gear?
What can be done?
Stop half assing it. Start what I can. Hope that it’s enough. Best I can do.
Plans bury themselves like roots deep in my bones
Words fragment on my tongue and fingertips
Each slow turn of the wheel
Marking passage to the possible
All my hopes burn like wildfire
Unchecked in a mind enveloped in love
I wait as one who having embarked on a long journey
sees the city of his heart on the horizon
Knowing full well
And with light heart
That arrival means the beginning
Of our journey together
I always have at least three reasons for taking an action. Why I desire it, the emotional reason. Why I want to, the short term reason. And what will it gain me,the long term reason. For example, why do I write? The emotional reason: In the beginning it was because I felt lighter, more free when I posted. Now it is out of an intense desire for connection. To be seen as I am. The short term reason: I enjoy it. And I’m a bit addicted to it. Long term reason: I hope something I write will evoke an emotional response in another. That it will be carried out into the world and make the world different and hopefully better.
So, three reasons. Always at least three.