wonder if you’re gentle
Would kiss with tenderness to match fierceness
Are you as lonely as you seem
Take refuge in my arms
To wonder or is it wish?
At long days ending
To hear your heart against mine
And spring forth, joyous
From long embrace
hopes
Shoreline
don’t want a friendship
want the flame
always step forward
never step back
always move to
never step away
Only built bridges and yet they all burn
life marked and marred
by the fires we yearned
And one fateful meeting
starts drifting away
Stand on the shore
building bridges
from ash
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Gifts at twilight
the world as it is not mine to give
so I’ll give you my self and make of it a world in which to live.
There’s choices beyond my control
And life takes us turning
But it’s all just this yearning
This burning
This foolish heart
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My night out
That moment of hope between waking and dream
just that moment before it’s all that it seems
just the seconds that pass in heavy silence
just the times when on the tip of my tongue I’ve not said
I want you on the tip of my tongue
just these moments we let flow by
whether from desire or its lack
just this not quite fear
not enough to make me act
and the desire to say yes, mistress/yes, master
take me
use me as you desire
and in the morning make me coffee
and kiss
but this slow silence where it’s all ponderous dream
and the next round
the next dream
the next chance?
It’s on me.
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No peace
Not quite a brush with death, but a reminder of this bodies expiration date. This makes me wonder if I have the time to wait for you. The time to demonstrate my steadfast strength. Whither to watch, to wait or begin the search anew. Or stop looking and thereby stop the cycle of failure and disappointment. Or look anew in different pools. My problem is I actually believe all this romantic nonsense that I write. I actually act like this prize fool. I can’t even point to inexperience to explain it. If anything, what I have is too much experience. I have absolutely no hope. I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning. But I put myself through the thresher again and again hoping for a different outcome and knowing it’s not coming. How can you love a monster and if you fail to see the monster, how can you love the man? How did anyone? I saw myself through their eyes and for a time I was happy. For a time, I was better.
I miss you. But I’m no longer depressed every day, no longer afraid to look at my past. I don’t know how to BE without that pain. I don’t know what I am without you. You chose me and I never asked why. Now I’m the one trying to choose and I keep failing, keep getting it wrong. You always saw clearer than me. I don’t compare them to you. Maybe I’m too broken now to be loved as I remember it. Maybe…
Pelgris 