What I want cannot be had

Thinking languid
Hands trailing across fabric worn thin
Spinning in hope
Wondering
How to
If can
Maybe
Wondering in flat words
When simple isn’t enough
Wanting that complex joy
Of complete pleasures
And feeling so very distant from the possible
A dream of tomorrow

Spring bears false witness

The gentle breeze tousles dark strands
Eyes closed
Bled thru to blood
Birdsong cries
Each warble singing joy
Steady hum of distant roads
Leading to lives
Unknown

This quiet perfection
Marred only by absence
And the fleeting thoughts
That if a choice were to be made
Today would have been a good day

Instead
Fresh blooms
Fading winter
Fading night
And a lament
For who can be truly content
In such perfection
Without your lips on mine

The unsaid things create the sharpest wounds

I find myself in vulnerable moments
Cut open and flayed
Words which seem true
Reverberate
My heart broken
Believing and not believing
Wondering if what
My brain says is true
Possessed with faith in Intuition
Faith in feeling
Faith in perception
To have that scalpel turned inwards
Whispering fears
Whispering truth?
How could I know?
When the lines blur
When I am not strength
Not safe
Not home
Just another person
Broken
Wishing to be whole
But what would that even look like

Deep rifts which, bottomless, we nevertheless must jump

Broken down epiphany
broke, sitting outside a locked car
Wondering how to break in
Keys sitting in the ignition
Waiting to be turned

Looking around
Hoping the Gang in blue
Passes me by
I swear it’s mine

But what goods swearing when you are brown
Not gonna matter
Sometimes invisible is the best you get

I remember
In my youth daring anything in the world to touch me
A promise of bloody retribution living in my heart

How naive I was
Or was it that without anything to lose that life was just less valuable
My life and theirs

Though I still hold no value for lives of those who wrong me
Now, I hold my life valuable
Forced to acknowledge that the path that was past
Is long gone
And any action has deep repercussions

Though I think about the last hurrah
And play a game
One I’ll likely never put my quarter into and roll the dice

What can we do
Shouting from the rooftops
Wondering if we’re heard

Wondering if it matters
Just a silent majority
Our voices hoarse from screaming

The texture of tongue on teeth

From memories
Rise as leviathan
Woken from fever
A blade bared and hungry
Quiets into painful lethargy
Silence grows
Though distance is constant
Roads least traveled feel less
Was once sorry
Torn between decisions
Time passes
Lament for what may have
Falls silent
What is
Sings a sirens song
And what may be
Drips from lips stained red

Clenched jaw happiness

So caught in not worrying
That every moment is about the fear
Cloaked in distraught distraction
Hidden so well that that which is truly important
Falls be side
And words which fail
Remain caged
And silent

When is a life not a life?

Malaise overlays bones
Muscles slack
Jaw clenched
Tears just beyond beginning

Heart aches in ways mostly unnoticed
Pains drift to the background
Just trying to survive

Hard to be open
When being so would mean
Crumpling boneless

Thin veneer
Keeping the social contract

Foothold lost, time ends

White death descends
Storms break souls
This is only a beginning

What was warned begins
Worlds ending

Stuck in a mythic past
They decry for justice

What justice is to be had?
When the world breaks

What wakes in the endless expanse

Hush of cold
Each crackling step
Ice breaking

Too cold to think
Too cold….

Storm calls
Maelstrom reaches for the earth
Hungry
It hunts