Anxiety weaves about
Circles
Wheels
Revealing weakness
Weakness I’d rather you not deal with
You’ve seen it before
But this feels different
Or I’m jumping at shadows
Is it insight or fear
I don’t know which
All I know is everything stops spinning
When you say Sir
Others have said it
And it was nice
But they are playing
You say it differently
And that makes all the difference
Realization comes in waves
Depositing as grains of sand
Accumulating
until truth crashes down
And nothing is as it was
I am blood
And death
And pain
I am night
And ink
And shadow
I am shattered
And tired
And ending
Time turns the wheel
There is no purpose
Just another day
Break
I don’t know what god or entity that I pissed off but if it could kindly fuck off, that would be great
So this side of me
That few get to see
Has unlocked so quickly
However did you get the key?
For those that don’t know
What I don’t often show
So serious, so low
There’s a side to me that’s silly
Delightfully
A bit goofy, yes really
I dislike how we got here
Whatever here turns out to be
All I know is that
I’m breathing for the first time in years
Woken for the the first time
Smiling
Working with you
I don’t know what will happen
But now
Now is enough for now
There are things in me
Monsters
Darkness
Whispering desires convered
in blood and pain
Desires that I indulge in
When everyone agrees
But in the deepest pit of me
I see a piece that wants to take without permission
Wants to break and harm
And that I will not allow
So I know that darkness
That pitch black monster
Sitting in the deepest chasm of me
Chained up
So I cannot abide this in others
Monsters should not be allowed to have free rein
I should know
I’m one of them
And though now all will flee
Truth is all I have
Doing what is necessary
Even if the price paid
Destroys me
I myself am a creature of rules
But imposing those rules on other people is akin to speaking in tongues
And so much of what I call rules is really
philosophy not proscription, prescription
Live your life out loud is a fine poster
but how does one do this
what is its structure.
Challenge these victories
That float away like dust
Like words left unspoken
Can’t tell if it’s you or me
Won’t give in to simple lust
Give me the complicated, the broken
A nuzzling wolf
He drinks hearts blood
Seeking to heal
But scenting that limping
The wolf wants its way
But I’m a man too
I get to choose
But choices are difficult things
Wanting them flawless
But nothing works out that way
Settle for understood and forgiven
Best to give what was got
And given
We all sit in this stasis
Just wondering what our place is
Waking up we wonder
When will what we built, be plowed under
We’re treading water
Waiting to be reborn
But rebirth is painful
It’s not shameful
To cry our tears
To build up from our fears
We live by forgetting
Let’s change the venue
Change the setting
We’re all just healing
Our broken hearts reeling
But we hold each other up
Our hands around hearts are cupped
Keeping that blood
from spilling
out
Love is the journey
Make no mistake
Without it we’re burning
I’m a Sir not a master
I’ve helped others through disaster
Build you up to set you free
Maybe, someday, that’ll be me
Pelgris 