Pelgris

I’m awake and ready
Hands are steady
But what propels me forward isn’t ambition
It’s the thought of a day without
Can’t quite stomach not seeing in fleeting glances
Words and whispers
Laughter when she reads a missive
So free to be herself
Waking in realization
This path of the broken
Leading my hands
To learn harsher lessons
About what I want and what is worth sacrificing
Making and meshing
Not the temptation but the tempting
Calling me to actions
Pulling me unrelenting
To a casual touch
Out of sight
Talk six days a week
But time outside is limited
She turns into a pumpkin at midnight
That’s cool
I love Halloween
Learning the rules and hard limits
It’s complicated
But relationships are
And if you think otherwise
You ain’t been paying attention
Just pouring out
But I feel the almost closed sluice
Holding back
Just a little afraid
Not back from her
But back from me
Words trapped behind my tongue
I sound like a gibbering idiot once I get that far
When a bare handful of words substitute for the norm
Long rambling replaced and content without context
Lines and veins pulse
Pulling me back to bodies
Stopped wanting futures
It’s all too up in the air
Today
Tomorrow
A laugh
A sorrow
Kisses sustain
Speaking all my truths
Even the embarrassing of plans
I failed to execute
Because the reality was more needed
Than the fantasy scenario
No bones to pick clean
Searching for meaning
Just ask the question
Fear eats you up
And it lies
It lies