This is Too Many Zooz, I challenge you to listen without dancing at least a bit
Month: June 2016
Belief is not a prereq
So, 5 days ago I had been dreaming about someone and I dreamed about them for three days. Dream walks don’t normally last that long and are generally not sequential. Dreams I have that are only dreams have an intangible cotton candy in the rain feel. This felt real. She disappeared halfway through night 4 and I’ve was unable to find her at all last night. It’s like looking through sand for a particular grain where before it’s like we were lodestones. There are aspects of my life that are insane from a strictly modern perspective. Eg Magic, spirit worlds, dreamwalking, soul constructs, wards, etc. And I realize I must seem nuts or at best odd, but I miss this person who I only knew in my dreams.
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Better to be lucky?
I feel like I have been terribly lucky, even though I don’t believe in luck, with my past partners. Though I also know I am ignoring disappointing relationships when I say that. My Morgan was an accomplished Submissive and the older woman as well, by three years. She effectively fostered my training in being a Master. I had the desire but not the tools. That we extended beyond play into a place where I can only say that she was mine and I was hers, is amazing to me. Everything began with her. I wish I could say it ends with her as well and we’re happy and still together, but as anyone who reads my posts knows, this is not the case. Then there was Eric who was my Master. As I’ve said, I’m a Switch. And being a Submissive is some of the best training on being a good Master. Seeing both sides allows me to better see how best to proceed in both aspects. And even with My Miss, while it lasted, she was a phenomenal submissive, especially for one so new. I was thrilled with what time we had together, though it seems like that is at an end now. I have friends who have had bad Submissives and bad Masters and can only be grateful to whatever leather clad whip bearing god(dess) is looking out for me.
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Rhyming consciousness
Its a simple twist and burn
No life was spent to yearn
And making bread, make time
Faltering steps in the rime
Fled to the dimly lit
Market frozen split
Lay me down in pain
Then wake me for the same
Sanctuary in caress
Bound simple by the dress
Hope’s blazing sun
Smarter now to run
Bring me now enthralled
Before the innocent
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Specific rules
I follow a particular ruleset that both broadly and specifically defines my actions. I’ve mentioned this before so I won’t get into the basics here, you can view them by searching this tag “rules” on the blog. I want to speak to a rule that dictates my behavior at the end of or the ending of a relationship. It is this; I don’t walk away. If I am not betrayed, I don’t walk away. So if whomever I’m with ghosts out, it leaves me in a quandry. I can neither walk away or talk with them about the relationship. It gets worse if I’ve actually stated that I will not walk away from them. In that case I am bound by my word to maintain the garden, as it were, awaiting their return. So there is no closure, and I still hope (because I’m a fool) but ultimately they are not coming back. But I still wait. And I wait until I’m in a relationship with someone else, at which point I must break off lest I betray my new paramour. It’s complicated but it’s what I’m thinking about.
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What I’m listening to
Though not a single song, this is what I’m listening to today: It’s pretty amazing as a mix
http://www.thebelfry.rip/blog/2016/5/26/resurrecting-demons-the-dark-light
It’s a music podcast and really I cannot recommend The Belfry enough and the music is generally awesome. You can also get the podcasts through Google Play Music and iTunes.
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Psychological imp
For some perverse psychological reason unknown to me whenever one of my relationships ends, I become intensely and nigh continuously turned on. It’s like some gleeful imp in my brain is capering and laughing as the internal tension ratchets up. “Now that you have no outlet,” he barks, “here’s a cauldron full of lust.” My brain is such an asshole.
Pelgris 