When you are clothed in the armor of your own self confidence, you belong anywhere. It’s in your step, in your swagger. You project out that you are cool, confident and a bit dangerous.
I’ve dined in 5 star restaurants, been upgraded to suites. The key is to smile slightly at everyone, like the world is good and it couldn’t be otherwise. And when someone impedes your path, be calm, be polite but be firm.
If polite and firm, work, that is preferable but if no other choice is given then you will need to be less than kind. This isn’t being overbearing. This is standing up for yourself. If you act with confidence and as if you belong then that is how others see you.
Whatever that doubting voice in your head is saying, ignore it as best you can. It is lying most times and when it’s not, it’s trapping you. Sometimes our brains are just abusive assholes who insist they are just trying to help.
You cannot choose who you love. I always thought that was just hyperbole.
I loved Sara but that was a love that came with time. It rooted itself in lust and became love. Eric was a love born of friendship and comfort. Each love is different. Each the same.
And each, I would not choose to have not loved, though each caused pain. Now I love again, and this time it was like lightning from a cloudless sky. Unexpected and igniting a passion I cannot ignore.
Despite difficulties, despite hardship, despite the shoals of heartbreak, I would not change my heart. I don’t think she loves me back, I don’t think she is in a place to love me. But that doesn’t matter. I am a magnet and she is true north. Ma petite tempête hivernale, you are loved.
You’re looking for meaning at the end of a dick
That mummers show
The tongue would serve you better
Or naughty thoughts and words
Relax and be ready
First we explore pleasures, base and exhultant
Fingers on hand, on neck, trace lines of veins
Kiss pulse at wrist and throat
Mouth on nipple, then teeth
Hands tease and explore
My urgency is disregarded
I wait and build
Your smell, lick sweat
Relax, and moan
Your skin, your heat, your beating heart
Look eyes and feel my adoration made tangible worship at the altar of your flesh
You are more world’s than can be explored
Pull you to the brink almost to the sweet flower, languid smell and damp
This is all you get, right to the edge,
I’m afraid I need a stronger commitment than a one night stand to show you all the pleasures of a lifetime become jaded.
I would never cheat on a committed partner. Such would be a betrayal and I do not betray. It is the primary rule from which all others of my rules spring.
If the relationship were committed but open, then I might consider having sex outside the relationship but I am more likely to introduce this person to my partner to keep everything out in the open. Now, that being said, I am still unlikely to have sex outside the relationship framework. Because sex, on its own, is empty. While the physical aspects are enjoyable, what I enjoy most is the enjoyment of my partner.
And while I am adept at the physical aspect and in the moment it is fun, I find it lacks staying power. If there is a emotional component, then the physical becomes a way of expressing that emotional joy with my partner. And that makes me feel beyond the moment.
I’m not saying I won’t feel lust for someone else, I merely note that I am not going to act on that lust. Though I will say that monogamish or poly relationships interest me. But, whether open, poly, or monogamish the true requirements are emotional stability, emotional maturity, constant communication, and honesty. Without those components on all parts it will fail at some point. But such could be said of any relationship.
I suppose my point is this. I am not something the majority have encountered before. I am strange and odd. I am honorable within the framework of my rules and I do wish you would stop lumping me in with the boys, predators, and fools you knew before me. I am not them. I ask, explicitly, for one thing. Don’t hide your heart from me. Don’t try to not love me. It is a betrayal of love and one of the things I cannot forgive. If you don’t love me, that’s fine. Just don’t try to murder love as it attempts to take root.
Online dating feels cold to me. I get that it is often a game. the end goal being to meet someone you connect with. But the people I really connect with? They are often not the people I would intellectually choose. And that is what online dating feels like to me. An intellectual game, But while I am intelligent and while it is a game I can play, it feels false. But on the other hand, I don’t do well in the bar scene, and I don’t form instant connections. Even the person I am interested in now, I didn’t see her, really see her until 3 weeks had past.