fail

Being stupid (maybe)

Pelgris2 Comments

I think I read too much into a like or a comment. I read what is written and fall a bit in love with their words. I read their work and see an amazing person through their words. As a active writer and poet it is a real problem. Is what I am seeing real, is the pattern one with greater meaning? Or am I seeing things because I want to see them? I’ve gotten burned twice. One I walked into with eyes wide open knowing it would never work but wanting it more than sense.

The other I thought was real. Was something that might be something we were both looking for. The world stepped in, circumstances built and it ended, badly for me. I have no idea how she felt about it. Since, she walked away, blocked me out, seemingly without a second thought.

Now, I’m back in it. Seeing things that, maybe, aren’t true. But wanting it, and sort of dreading it at the same time. I have a bad track record.

A year is long enough for perspective

PelgrisLeave a comment

You said you were fighting not to love me, as if this were some kind of compliment. How was I to feel when told that given the choice to fall and trust that I would catch you, keep you safe, you chose to stay on the ledge as I hurtled by? How was I to feel when told you did not trust me enough to allow yourself the chance to fall in love with me?

And here I am left in the desolation, just one more fool who fell in love, one more fool who having fell will remember you forever.

One more image, one more weight that will never leave my shoulders, one more cut branch on a ever-branching future, one more scar upon my heart.

Documentation of the spiral

PelgrisLeave a comment

I distance my heart from you because I must. Because you aren’t interested in me. We don’t talk anymore and I know I’m the one who burned that bridge. By my action but I think we got there together. Yet I still love you. The pain when I see you. When we don’t talk. I want to convince myself that it’s just the talk that I want, but that’s a lie. What I want is for that moment we connected, that spark I felt and that connection you said you felt. what I want is for that to come to full fruition. To be a romantic relationship. Which I know is not to be, but I can’t stop loving you. I just don’t think about you in every waking moment, when I receive a message there is no longer that thrill of hope that it’s from you. You are the first in a long time to spin me round. I would have done anything, anything for you. The only thing I wanted was what I gave. Maybe the price was too much for you to pay. Maybe that connection was you just agreeing to get along and not truth. I am foolish enough to hope that you will come to me and ask for another chance. I would give it. I love you.