In these days of falls awakening, I reaffirm my pledge to not date vanilla. It was miserable and confusing. Give me your artists, your goths, your philosophers. Give me the ones who want to be tied up, who want to be spanked, who want complicated pleasures. The mainstream is not for me.
dating
Top 5 questions I really want an answer to on a date.
1. What is the worst experience of your life? What is the story of it.
Why: Our experiences shape us and I’m rather a dark cat. If your life has been mostly sunny then there may be some compatibility issues.
2. What experience or experiences have been the best? What makes you feel at peace, happy?
Why: What we see as worthwhile and how we experience beauty is a part of our fundamental selves.
3. Do you like music? What do you like about it?
Why: If you don’t like music then we’re going to have issues. Music is a major part of who I am, I honestly have a hard time relating to someone who doesn’t like music or worse just sees it as background noise.
4. Do you like reading? What do you like about it?
Why: pretty much the same why as 3.
5. What types of art do you like? Why?
Why: Art reveals what we are passionate about.
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A year passes
The waters are stilling now. ripples from her dropping into the lake of me with the violent Splash Kerthunk of a boulder. Drifting to the bottom stirring the settled depths. Amidst turmoil and change, to be back round again. In the same place, lamenting choices taken and not. She stirred me up then gone like ghost. A memory only. The possible writ large. Crumbling in the quiet. Then a love so mental it consumed my mind, a key given to one who chose to not open the lock. A series of missteps, then a physical fire consumed and consuming. Extinguished before it could flame out. Then a mistake. Harsh lessons, and I settle in for Winter. The banshee wind howls outside my fireplace warmed room. The first snows are falling. And all my searching comes round to this empty.
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True answers to questions
I am not ambitious. I don’t need a job to have meaning or be challenging. I just need it to provide funds to allow me to live as I choose coupled with the freedom to by and large do as I wish. I have that.
I don’t fear change. I don’t see the point of change for the sake of change. If there is a goal, and a vision of how to achieve it, then I will work towards the goal. But change for the sake of change seems like running away to me.
My art provides me with meaning. My words have touched more than one life and made that life easier, better. That is enough. Would monetary success be nice? Probably, but it is not the goal.
I have no desire to travel for the sake of traveling. People are the same the world over. I travel for events that can’t be had elsewhere. In a relationship, I travel when it delights my love. I enjoy seeing delight in the eyes of someone I love. If it’s travel that does that then I’m there.
I do not desire adventure. Adventure is what happens when plans go wrong. I don’t seek the chaos that will occur naturally on its own. But I can move and adapt to it as needed.
Life is beautiful, haunting and it ends.
Its impermanence is what makes it worth living. I can spend hours watching clouds race across the sky or people dancing at a club. Experience is the sweeter with someone to share it with. If anything, that is the adventure I’m looking for. That is the ambition I harbour.
Pelgris 