Poems

Beyond the shores of Lethe

Pelgris1 Comment

Sleep is the one thing in this world which seems genuinely good anymore
And it’s not that there are not elements of the waking world which I love
Rather it is the ecosystem of everything which surrounds us which is so perverse and broken that only in sleep do I feel free

I slide into bed and cool sheets greet me
The most comfortable pillow I’ve ever owned
Which I bought from a small local shop which I hope weathers this storm
Because I also get my beds from them
Beds that are called insidious
Because they are deceptively comfortable and lure you into deep sleep
I pull the blanket given to me by the woman I love across me, snuggling down in her distant embrace
And I slip from this abomination of a world into another
Perhaps just my own mind
Or perhaps a shard reality made real only for me
Still, sleep takes in another lost soul
Hoping that dreams become refuge for a weary heart
And when I wake
It is always with reluctance
For dreams and sleep
Is the last refuge we have

Light eruption and tingling lips

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Where mountains and hope mix to sand
Find open arms and wide hearts
Black coffee and cold mornings
Mispoken fumbles made cumbersome
Hurtful by distance
Still
Truth is truth
And love blooms in still soil
In hearts made heavy

Injecting sand, hoping for one more minute

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I play for time
Rolling dice against an uncaring clock
Anything to maintain distance from sleep which drags me unwilling out of bed as morning breaks
And fatigue settles into bones
Wander through routine
And listening to high energy music in a vain attempt to will myself into work

I play for time
Seconds drip by
Hopeful steps with one more second before tomorrow becomes inevitable
That foreknowledge
That foregone conclusion
It not even burnout
It’s just life
This wheel turning with no hope to get ahead
Head above water
Treading and hoping to make it to that future I once thought certain

Calm wistful mornings

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Drop sand distant to a tune made melody
Pounding counterpoint to soft gasps
Quiet bitten lip moans
Being quiet for too thin walls
Open to the endeavors of pain
Break wave and skin taught
Beads of sweat
Cold in the rooms still air
Eyes meet
Even in passions throws
Small towel and soft cover
Cutting out cold
Taking fierce care while being taken
Into ear the growl of
“Mine”
And thus I’m lost again

Stress exhaustion

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Where do I live but in dreams?
For I am sleep itself
Dragged down each day
Stress breaks finger hold on reality
What takes time to break away, destroyed by word
Instead white noise dreams
Why not
What else is there

Winter’s harbinger

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Pain rises on the storm
A breathe away from disaster
Power builds
Cold seeps in
Winds howl
Making calm hearts yearn for warmth
How simple to lash out
To cut and snarl
A wounded beast
Kindness breaks the stone
Blood spills
The storm rises above the pain

Each breathe feeds, each day grows

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The sea seethes
Rages against the earth
Beating itself against its ramparts
Wearing it down to sand

The storm watches

The earth burns
Slow molten rock
Destroy itself to build bridges
Dragonglass dreams

The storm builds

The flames dance
Racing through life
Extinguish to extinguish
Consuming life creates life

The storm endures

Getting lost on the way to the exit

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With each passing post I lose a little self
A little will to keep going
I build up walls
Which cannot stand
For they are built on the rubble of walls which came before
Never again
Never lose myself so thoroughly that it’s a fight to get back
But I can’t stop scrolling
Reposting
Hope and anger
With apathy winning
Anger can’t sustain
Hope dwindles
Here’s a cat
Here’s something cute
Bulwarks against the tide
Drowning in truth
Step away
Have to
Must
There is only so much pain
Even I can sustain
Before it’s too much
This is why the sleepers sleep
Not because they want to
Not because it’s better
Simply because while asleep
They can pretend they are not powerless
Not meat for the beast
This is how nihilist cults form
Because why not
Because nothing changes
Because for all the heights of greatness that humanity has the seeds of
They sit mired in the muck
Playing with mud
Pretending to be kings

Tired outpaces cells cross hatched on hands

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Watch the dappling leaves
Bright green
Waxy
Reflecting light
Mirrors with depth
With life

Watch through windows
Set to filter out life
Filter out smells
Filter out the chaos
The order of passing

Cold inside while the world bakes
Trapped inside
Hamster on the wheel

Shuffle out
Get in my truck
Baking
Heat burns into bones
Quiet and rattle
These the only moments of silence
Instead of music

Let the panic rush past
Through
Once more into poison
Just a quick dip
Then through

Long enough to sleep
To feel safe
Behind locked doors
Which sit behind locked doors
Which sit behind locked doors

Dangerous empathy turns away from blindness

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Luxury of the unknown
Wake up
Not wondering
Some stranger, some ‘friend’, some coworker
False praise of unwanted innuendo
Condescension dressed up as aid
Hurt feelings for being my friend
Danger from those you like
You love
Normal

Broken world
Simulation left to bored sadists
Ponder the ways
To break again
A world so shattered
Will it even notice