For my Valentine

It has been a while since I have been with anyone at this time of year. Mostly I’ve been alone. But I am with someone and she is amazing. But, I post things for her and write things for her. I record things for her. So how to make this special? How to differentiate from the poetry and song? Perhaps just speak plainly? As much as I am capable of doing so, anyway.

We started well. As friends. Getting to know each other through what we write. Hearing your thoughts on what I was working on at the time. (Split Sky)
And little by little I felt like I wanted more. To get to know you more and I vaguely worded it. And you said you wanted in. Just flooring me. That a vague post would prompt exactly the right person. For the blog world, what a delightful meet-cute. And further down the road was cut up and rocky but eventually you found your way back to my door. And my arms. You are mine, my goddess of my heart. I hold you there. Carry you with me. Dream of you. Things are difficult but I think promising.

We’ll get everything we want, if we can hold together.
I love you. Never doubt it.

Sitting alone, watching the sunset

Let me wrap you in my embrace
Tell me what you think/want/hope
I’ll show you my flaws and hope you don’t run
Show me your scars
I’ll kiss every one.
Like strangers or just strange
Foreigners even to our selves
Let us travel
And discover each other
We are not bound by convention
Why proceed conventionally
Break with our mundane reality
Let us know each other and be reborn

Or forego the metaphysics
and kiss me

Winter takes what little is left

Make a fiddle from my bones
Shape me to useful tone
Anything is better than being alone
This incarnation whose heart was stone

Take flower from cracked deep marrow
Drink me and dance the yarrow
This single tear over my barrow
Or feed me into the hollow

This light, this love did change me
Though sullen shores beckon on bleak wings
Hope lightened the burden but broke my back
Times passage, preceded through

So drink my blood sugar lows
And hyacinth petals fall in order rows
Or fake your laughter, smiling bows
But I tarry never after

This simple crime that sings to sleep
Wakes the dreamer but breaches deep
Of brittle words to interpret, keep

We bite and struggle
suck air and tremble
Simpler still to heartbeat slow
And in the springtime
Cease

Dream

I dreamed last night. In the dream, I and a few friends were walking down to this abandoned house. The outside was unfinished. Like they had been adding framework around it but the project had been abandoned. This house down in a valley that was this sprawl. Partially constructed, partially falling in. The house is in the no man’s land between the dreamscapes. I know it is not ‘near’ the city. I think it is upwards from the highway and leftwards from the school. Which makes it adjacent to the home and a shift spin from the mansion or hotel.

The house feels like it was just abandoned. Like at any moment, the owners and residents may come back. Which is frightening. Because the owners were members of a cult that was trying to break the walls of reality. Which was possible here at this place of meeting and nothingness. We break into the house, or I remember forcing our way in but not the actual breaking in part. We find ourselves in a series of rooms centered around a vast library. Books fill to the ceiling. Hardcover books by authors I’ve read but books they never wrote in our world. Some they never got to write due to their death. Some whole series that were conceived but never committed to page. Unspoken books. Hidden books. Books written by the heart but that never fell from their lips. Books everywhere. Books in modern dust jackets

One of my friends finds a book unlike the others. A handstiched leather bound book. A memoir of one of the people who lived here. A famous man. A black man who had never had a white friend or acquaintance. I don’t know why that was important but it was. He spoke of living here how they were living simple lives here but that occasionally one or more of the people would go mad and kill themselves or others. He accepted that as the price of living here. He said it was fine because his door locked. But he grew disillusioned with the work. The barrier was breaking but what was leaking through was not what they expected. It was ominous and evil. His term. One he didn’t use for the murders that took place here. As if those were small things by comparison with this thing that was breaking through.

The books weren’t here when he was here. But it slowly dawns on us. The books are a barrier. They are the price of seeing and the cost of dreaming. Of taking pieces of the dream and giving it to the world. Some dreams, some thoughts are sacrificed here. To keep the barrier strong. To hold back the tide with the ideas and thoughts, found here fully realized. We could read a book here, but could not take it. And when we read, we had to replace the book with one of our own. To keep the barrier intact. One of us stayed there. A keeper. A librarian. A safeguard so that any that came after would know the rules.

I did not wake so much as surface. Marked indelibly by the journey.

The sleeper, wakes

This heart beats
It beats
It beats
I reach out
Through the sound
Through the pounding
Out through the reverberations
Shivering on the air
Until snaps sound
like gates crashing open
Sensation floods in
out beyond the boundaries
of skin
Every hair rises
Connection
I wake
I wake
I wake
Take my hand
Wake with me