Waiting to take flight
But wings are not my strong suit
But I swim strongly
Month: April 2018
Musings on a midnight clear
Do I sound like the recording of my voice?
Is that me?
Am I the man in the electronics?
I can never tell
Sometimes voice is deep and gravelly
Sometimes lighter
Full of winsome
Which is real
Or is it between
Is my voice what I hear it as?
Or what you hear it digitally reproduced as?
Are we both hearing something different?
I never thought of my voice as attractive until someone said it was.
Changing my perspective
Never having perceived it as anything
Special
That makes me think
Maybe I’m wrong about other things too
I wonder what they are
And how I will change in the future
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Is this creepy?
Just drinking my feelings away
Can’t find a way to make anyone want to stay
Maybe I’m just bad at choices
Maybe I needs to accept the losses
I fall in love far too easy
Or maybe that’s just how it seems
I wait
I watch
I learn
Maybe we weren’t talking
But I was seeing
By the time I made the approach
I was a few steps away from falling
So maybe it seems I’m love bombing
But every person I’ve loved is the culmination
Of steps I’ve taken
Unseen
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Memories are here to stay
You know it sucks. It sucks that I remember so much. It sucks that I remember how it felt to love you. How I felt when you said, I love you. It sucks to still love someone, because you can’t stop loving them. Not because you choose to keep that alive but because that’s how you are made. I remember everyone I fell in love with. Every person I’ve touched. Mostly those memories stay in the places I’ve compartmentalized them in. But the fuckers like to sneak out and I’ll be treated to a memory while I’m driving. While I’m talking. While I’m cooking. Some dance across me like light on a pond. Others bring me to my knees. Memory is a gift and a curse. Don’t allow anyone to tell you any different.
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Connection but not connected
Want to float in your arms
Last remnants of hope bleeding out
Let me have this fantasy
Synced with you
Joyous with knowing
Minutes flow by having found
Sanctuary
Knowing it for false
Still
Wouldn’t it be nice
To have those memories
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Quartered
Bound to these borders
A petty king
Time holds hostage
While she dances to spring
This symbol
Break the read
Longing for the first breath of ice
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Notes half heard in the distant
The music swells on the parqeu dance floor
Watch you move in the arms of your pain
These verse and step burn
As amphora napalm rounds
Scatter and ignite
Helpless to change these echoed shades
Trapped behind glass
I watch
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Nerve less fingertips
Dragged down like a slow moving gazelle
Lethe drowns
Last remnants drift
Replaced by a song
A dream
And arms to hold
But only in dreams
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Uncertain meetings
I wonder at your sidelong looks and smiles
Your throat full of questions unasked
Am I putting motivations into your actions
I suppose we’ll never know
As we maintain this detente
Too many maybes
Not enough yes
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Not the no man’s land
Stomach roils
Unrealized stress bubbles up
Coating and churning
Wish you’d all stop dick waving
Leaving me to do my work
Pointless assertions of control
This will all turn out better
If you’d keep your nose out
Consider the effort of trying to control me
Better to leave me to my work ethic
Pelgris 