Lost in the ruins of failed choices

Heart cries in pain
Mind searches for anything to feel
Anything but this
Grasping for short lived pleasure
Mewling when will fends away destruction
Holding on by fingernails
All the while yearning for someone to take choices away
To force sensation
Anything but bitter broken glass
But callous hands
Offered when the lights go out
When even grey Lifeless
Is better than drowning
Lost
Adrift without tether
Hopes quailed and fled

Emotional shotgun: caution edition

I had a hope and that’s where it always goes wrong. There’s no reciprocity in hopes. There is only the expression of individual needs. When that begins to encroach on the reality of the situation, perspective is lost. The cycle of doubt and self recrimination begins.

Something my paramour can stop. But only one ever tried. In trying, she was successful. An acknowledgement that I am as broken as anyone. But I’m always the caregiver. The one paying the compliments. The one seeing who they are and can be.

My friends do that for me. But never the people I hold closest to my heart. My friends are close but I am tentative with them. Because, experience has taught me that I will say the wrong thing and not know it. And they will go away. So I am cautious.

Caution is no way to live.