I had a hope and that’s where it always goes wrong. There’s no reciprocity in hopes. There is only the expression of individual needs. When that begins to encroach on the reality of the situation, perspective is lost. The cycle of doubt and self recrimination begins.
Something my paramour can stop. But only one ever tried. In trying, she was successful. An acknowledgement that I am as broken as anyone. But I’m always the caregiver. The one paying the compliments. The one seeing who they are and can be.
My friends do that for me. But never the people I hold closest to my heart. My friends are close but I am tentative with them. Because, experience has taught me that I will say the wrong thing and not know it. And they will go away. So I am cautious.
Caution is no way to live.