Victoria? I keep hearing that name in my dreams. Usually names don’t stick but Victoria does. And it’s always the same. She is always a lover. And always someone I love. She is demanding and a bit dominant but not my master. We meet clandestinely. She will come by, drop hints to when she will be available and I will go to her. We are passion itself. She is only available for small windows of time, but I know I am her island of normal in a chaotic life. This dream is always set inside another dreamscape. As if even there she is hiding. And each time I wake, my heart literally hurts. Like being ripped away from her by waking is so traumatic that I physically get hurt.
dreamwalker
Just questions.
How can I be tired of not kissing you, of not being with you when I’m not sure who you are? Yet, that is how I feel. A bone deep weariness that steals over me, when I think about this person in my dreams. She always looks the same, her voice is the same. The thought of her voice fills me with longing. Does she look like she does in the dreaming? Will I recognize her? Or, depressingly, is she a hope unrealized of a heart cast open wide? Does she not exist, except in the heart of who will love me as I love them? Am I asking questions without answers? A chicken or the egg. Does she exist in my dreams because she loves me or because she will love me? Does it matter? I will seek her in my dreams, to hold her in my arms. I will do so until we meet and as often as I can after. Am I just a romantic fool, looking for someone who isn’t?
Share this:
the dreaming
those of us that dream, that dare, find ourselves in this perpetual cycle of fall and solid ground; sometimes we find someone who shares our reality and our world solidifies like a point of reality formatting the dreamworld in it’s essence out to the limits of the love they share; but for some of us we lose these loves and fall again and again bound only to the essence of the twisted void, it is the curse of the dreamwalker to fall forever bound only by what will they can muster and the hope that one day they will find someone for whom reality is as the dream.
Beauty in it’s infinite capacity. Realized each night in its searching, but on waking realize it’s lack. In the dream, we are able to see, to know. In the waking world we can only search for our counterpart and hope that they recognize us. That they are as awakened as we are.
Share this:
Dream lover
I keep dreaming, and in my dreams you find me. And sometimes I screw up and you go away. And sometimes I screw up and you give me another chance.
Sometimes you betray me, and I want to stick to my principles and walk away. Sometimes I do and my life crumbles like a mansion built on the side of a hill in a mudslide. Sometimes I walk and it adds to the weight of loss I already carry. Sometimes, I forgive you but the relationship is never the same.
Sometimes we forgive each other and are stronger for it. Sometimes we make it work, a lifetime of joy and hardships, lived out in the span of a night.
Each time I wake enough in the dream I send out, recklessly, where I am. What I look like. Hoping you are a dreamwalker too and that you’ll remember and find me or when I find you, you will see me and think that’s the guy. The one I dream about. Maybe it’s foolish or crazy to believe in magic and this idea.
Maybe, but what if we are looking for each other and this is the avenue open to us? I’ll take it, if I can find you. And if I don’t, we don’t, then the lifetimes we live in dreams will have to be enough. I’ll meet you there my sweet dream.
Pelgris 