Some days I just feel so old
Ancient beyond all reckoning
Thoughts moving in patterns
So slow
So foreign to what is
I feel so lost
So alone
Trapped by memories
By actions long past
By choices made
Made without regret
But without full regard to the consequences
Consequences I long know the result of
Time ebbs on
And I am as trapped as any
Just a bit more free
Free to know
Free to mourn
Free to weep
For deeds
For thoughts and actions
Few will ever know
And fewer understand
And fewer still
Who could accept
Why
deep sadness
A thought that pulls tears
I wonder sometimes if people get into relationships with me just to be loved for a moment in time. To know that, someone, somewhere will always love them.
I envy them the certainty. The bedrock truth. That if I love, I love forever. Though time, distance and even realities keep us apart.
Pelgris 