Month: May 2018

Vague wandering

Pelgris2 Comments

Drunk on memes
Not quite living
Hopes bounce as pinball
around my brain

Stupid brain
Thinking that there is hope
Finding instead
Dirt filled holes of empty

Drug into the muck
Wanting to kiss you
Wanting some way forward
Brain stuck in loving you

Can’t downshift
Forward is all I’ve got
Past is dead chrysanthemums
And empty chrysalis

Life drives forward
Leaving hearts behind
In there uncertainty
Left to make choices that have moved

But still stuck
Some piece of me
Waiting on a maybe
Stuck in this loop

Sadness and recrimination
Bitter pills to swallow
Lies and half truths
Bound by oaths

Spoken and promised
But only I remember
And you
Wait in silence for words I am forbidden to speak

Shackled by an honor
Few understand

Unbreakable cycles(meant to be sung)

PelgrisLeave a comment

I woke up to your love
But I know, your love is false
I woke up to your kiss
But I know, you’ll be gone in the morn
I woke up in your arms
But I know, you’ll hold me no more
I woke up all alone
And I knew
You’d be laughing
In the dawn

Last night’s dreaming

Pelgris6 Comments

I dreamed last night of clubs and restaurants where I found you. A beautiful submissive. Strong, intelligent and defiant. I had no interest in breaking you. Why break a spirit so beautiful? Instead, earn your submission. Strength, respect, joy. Showing you all that I am, accepting your choices. With you in my lap, kissing, I wake.

Only in dreams am I alive.

Silly tears

Pelgris2 Comments

I hate feeling sad about things I can’t change. It seems a waste of pain to spend it wondering on what could have been. To spend precious time wallowing and crying. Yet, some nights my mind wanders to those who were but never was. Who said yes, but never touched. It’s impossible to know what could have been and yet my heart dwells on what was in the futile hope of discerning meaning. And in discerning meaning perhaps find a way back there. It’s a foolish heart I have. To hold onto love after the storm of it is past. But perhaps being this foolish person is just who I am. Perhaps, I have never learned to go lightly, and perhaps that’s ok. But it still hurts. I remember them. I remember what I felt. And what I still feel. Me and my foolish heart.

Nightmares are also dreams: A Pel and Sara story, Interlude 1

PelgrisLeave a comment

The harsh heat pounds down. The light reflects against the sun baked earth and shimmering waves obscure the lines between unreal and reality. The shush of metal sliding into earth and the patter of dirt wars with pants and grunts. The medium build man wearing an undershirt stained with sweat and splotches that looks like crusted blood pauses in his exertion. He looks out across the desert. Here and there can be seen the other holes dug in the earth. The man takes a long drink of water and soon the harsh sounds of metal and dirt again fills the morning air.

The desert wind almost snatches the muttered words of the man, “Fucking Michael, I can’t believe he just up and left without a word.”

No one is there to hear but the coyotes and the crows feasting on treasures pulled from the loose earth.

End of poetry month, 2018

PelgrisLeave a comment

Yesterday was the last day of poetry month for me. I hope you all enjoyed it. I did, indeed, find it easier to write this time around though that may have been more due to my emotional state than the ease that practice brings. In any case, I hope that some pieces were impactful. Thank you, dear readers, you make my work beautiful.

Dreams can be desires

PelgrisLeave a comment

Hot pressure slides
Pain wars
Pleasures build
Need tears loose
Again again again
More
Throbbing pain
Heat cools
Another
Another
Another
Neverending
No release
Just this painful pleasure

Yawning

PelgrisLeave a comment

Organs ache
Bones pop
Tightness
Pain subsumed by
Catalog
Mind overruling indicators
Fading to the background
I am awake

Where is the raven

PelgrisLeave a comment

Phonetic structures
Slip, slip, slip
Knives embedding into flesh
Hearts blood flows thick
Death by slow inches
In the shade of what was

Questions strike deep

PelgrisLeave a comment

I had a whole thing
A thing about truth and honor
But it occurs that
What others see as
Honor and truth are not what
I see

In my heart, as long as I’m honest, I’m truthful
In my heart
as long as I keep my word,
As long as I protect my people,
As long as I adhere to my rules,
I am honorable

There is no outside structure that imposes order on my heart
Only my self
Maybe that’s not what you thought
But it is what I am