Rambling thoughts on love 

It’s as simple or as complicated as we make it. Loving another is always going to be messy. But it is always worth it. Even when it hurts. Even when it feels like your heart has been ripped out. It is always worth it. To cast yourself open into the yawning abyss, hoping their love will catch you. That your love, together, will halt the fall. I don’t know any other way to do it. Not and have it not take years. Ask any of my friends. For all that I am open, I’m a hard man to get to know. My friendships take years to form. And I love every one of my friends. And from most, I would try for a intimate relationship with, if that is what they wanted. I feel I’m rambling now. The point is that love, while painful, is always worth the pain. People create walls around their selves. Trying to keep out every possible hurt. But that keeps out most of everything. I speak from experience. I shut myself off. Turned off all the things that were painful and felt nothing. Blocked behind walls, behind doors, inside a bubble. Trapping myself inside, to protect from the pain.

It didn’t work. All the pain, the sorrow, all of it just built and built until it crushed through my walls. Battered them to pieces. There is no wall high enough or thick enough, no defense built well enough that it cannot be breached. The only choice becomes to deal with it.

Again, I seem to have lost the thread. Love is always worth the time, the pain. I have never been more happy than when expressing love. Never been more at peace than when I am holding someone I love in my arms.

12 thoughts on “Rambling thoughts on love 

  1. Taruna October 2, 2016 / 9:44 am

    I have learnt that love is so much richer with others as you truly learn to love yourself
    This entails forgiveness, acceptance, a standard uncompromising of quality …

    Liked by 2 people

    • Pelgris October 2, 2016 / 10:22 am

      I think I just have a problem with the phrasing “learn to love yourself”. Because I believe it is more about accepting and integrating all parts of yourself. So that when you look inward you are not finding separate pieces. It’s also possible I’ve walked so far down my paths that I forget what the beginning was like. Perhaps it is that the phrasing implies that it is advice but without concrete ideas to start with. Thanks for your response. I always appreciate it. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Taruna October 2, 2016 / 11:26 am

        I have had to learn to love myself with my personal history of feeling in adequate, rejected and so on… as I’ve done this and yes ‘accepted’ the past, my difference facets etc… gratitude has come to the forefront and with it a love for existence and so your your expression of ‘inwards you are not finding separate pieces’… is a perfect expression … thank you for the time of your reply..

        Liked by 1 person

    • Pelgris October 3, 2016 / 3:31 am

      I hope that means that you found it truthful and heartwarming.

      Liked by 1 person

            • Pelgris October 3, 2016 / 10:08 am

              I suppose I associate “aww” with people who call me sweet which always seems to happen right before they decide to ghost out of my life. So that phrasing is now problematic for me. Thank you for clearing it up.

              Liked by 1 person

              • thesarahdoughty October 3, 2016 / 11:27 am

                Nope. I’m always genuine. I won’t say it unless I mean it. And I won’t ghost you. I’ll tell you if I am bothered by something.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Pelgris October 3, 2016 / 11:33 am

                  I will say thank you for that before I say something I should not say. My heart is too open maybe and I sometimes fall in.

                  Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.