Essence drips leaving puddles

I’ve dreamed of my leaving
a heart full of needing, and darkness
I’m keening
the life meant for leading
upturned faces looking
for their choices to echo my own and somehow be validated
don’t look to me for encouraging
I foster ideas not to be followed but to stand you up and get you to thinking
so I have companions of thought if not heart
I’ve been lost
and I’m losing all sense of being
just wanting and needing
loving and leading
but always found wanting
but wanting for what
I’m never told

choices I’m making
just missing and living
each dripping second seems to lose meaning
life’s just happening
I say I’m not playing and acting in earnest
how can you know if you won’t hear what I say
easier just to walk away
than explain my falling

you were debating, and I was losing an argument I didn’t know was happening
its all just so easy to run rather than face
but running each time
you start to lose the race
before it’s begun
and I’m just here waiting

planning and plotting for circumstance that may never be
but I’d rather be loving
be burning
be the fire
than to drown myself out before it’s begun
this pain is a nightmare and it aches just to be
but I live all the way out there
all the way free

consequences to actions
countervailing force
ripping me to shreds and I can’t help but feel you are the one hurting
and all I am wishing that you were still mine to help
I’m standing here bleeding
heart’s blood dripping
but it’s you I would mend if I could

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