The storm forgives us all

Clock spins round
Heart sinking with the sun
Steps away from home
Lost chances to be in your arms
Turmoil storm
Calling
Saying you will do anything
Poor substitute for actually doing it
Each unwilling to take that comprise step
Unwilling…unable
Still stretched arm hoping
Fingers straining
Heartbeat pounding
Maybe…
Maybe…
Sigh
Maybe it’s too much to ask
Too much trust
For someone never seen
Only known
A blood stained Symphony
Hoping there’s time
Knowing there rarely is
Gods and monsters
Telling me to go
Still
I am afraid

The state of things

I don’t do well in the vacuum of knowledge. Not knowing why’s and reasons and thoughts eats away at me. “I’ll tell you later,” in all its variations is a cancer eating away at me in the narrow dark before the first rays of light. Or the variations of actions taken with no explanation as to why. Both cause their problems.

I know that I don’t express it. I know that I accept what information is given and keep going. But what else can I do? Demand more information than they are willing to give? Life isn’t so easy.

And I find myself in a predicament where my skills and experience is not easily seen. And I’m not the best when confronted with questions I haven’t thought about. Unless it’s asked by someone I trust, then it’s honesty and Intuition. So how do I sell my skills which are not evident by degrees or certification when I need a few minutes alone to formulate a response.

I don’t know what to do. I keep going forward with the gnawing feeling of impending failure and the thought that success might be just as bad. Looking for a way sideways or out but not finding it.

And still, those thoughts that more information would make me feel safe permeate and batter defenses which isolate me even more.