I love the broken way you hold yourself
The shadows on your tongue
your tattered innocence peaking through your tilted smile
Your eyes flashing green when you’re happy and grey when you’re mad. My stormcloud. The soft sound of your voice.
My memories come sharp and clear. And I’m not sure how many more years I can endure without you.

I wrote this song for you. I wrote it awhile ago. But I can’t bring myself to sing it. As if singing it would drive the point home.

She’s smiling and I’m laughing
She’s sleeping and I’m watching
She’s incandescent and I’m night

It’s all in my rear view
And I can’t fight the fight

Each day that passes and I’m further away from you
I’m losing those moments, those minutes, those days.
Each time I wake, I walk farther away
Each time I sleep, I remember.

It wasn’t the loss that I could not endure
It’s this litany of days and hours without you

She’s dancing and I’m clapping
She’s yelling and I’m screaming
She’s cold and I’m colder

It’s all in my rear view
And I’m another year older

Each day that passes and I’m further away from you
I’m losing those moments, those minutes, those days
Each time I wake, I walk farther away
Each time I sleep, I remember

It wasn’t the loss that I could not endure
It’s this litany of day and hours without you

She’s going and I’m watching
She’s bleeding and I’m sleeping

She’s dying

Each day that passes and I’m further away from you
I’m losing those moments, those minutes, those days
Each time I wake, I walk farther away
Each time I sleep, I remember

Doesn’t seem like much, does it. And it’s not real. I remember you. each minute, each touch, each laugh.  I remember. Sometimes, to endure, I tell myself that I don’t remember. But like all lies, the truth will shine through.  And when it does its like losing you again. I cry and cry and nothing makes the pain ebb. sometimes I am happy and I’ll turn or think to tell you about something then it comes crashing back down. the days like this are getting further apart and I’m not sure that I can endure losing you in my memories as well.