I want to say that we’re all in this together and that we’ll get through it together
But I find my faith in humanity has faded
As my contact with those people who make existence worth living has also faded
As the pure loneliness caves in my walls
I find myself seeing the self delusion for the bare knuckle fear it is
I see the desire to categorize people as other
To separate and in separation create the cult atmosphere of us vs them
I see the herd mentality breaking systems which were never envisioned to sustain assault by the herd
I see greed eat philosophy so much that the philosophers give up on philosophy
Instead calling out the hypocrisy of cloaks of gold draped over “common man”
I see rebellion fomenting but leaderless and rudderless
Just a stampede waiting to break
I see people living for a past that never existed
Yearning for a truth that was always built on a lie
Prosperity begins at the bottom not the peak
You ask me to drink from some stream you dammed
Calling it trickle down
While you swim in your lake
Too much for you to ever use
Too much even for you to invest in people and ideas
So much that even if spend every waking moment finding worthy causes, you still accrue more wealth than you spend
How then am I to ever get my fill?
If all I get is your scraps
This delusion that you will someday be rich so you safeguard the wealthy is directly making us poor
Burning our infrastructure for profits
Voting for less say in our own prosperity in the hope that those greedy enough to take more than they will ever need will share that prosperity with us
Delusion upon delusion
I once thought that in humanity there was hope
That the craven depths were outweighed by the glorious heights
That the predominance went to beauty
Instead
Sold to whomever promises magic beans to be delivered at some vague future date
And not today’s magic beans but from when magic beans were great
We’re making magic beans great again
Don’t you believe me?
I’ve got hats
isolation
Missing from the page
Working from home and staying inside fucked with my head. I thought yesterday was Thursday all day. Which resulted in me not posting.
Everything is stressful and those things which used to be recreational are now mandatory. I’m isolated and it’s killing me. Emotionally and mentally. Not physically. I spend most of my time working or sleeping. I’m only eating 2 times a day if that and not even snacking.
The stress I thought I had handled ratcheted up last week when my employer fired not furloughed people like it promised. Now I and everyone are just waiting for the blade to drop.
There nothing I can do that I’m not already doing and being helpless is not my strong suit.
Planting
A little doubt starts it
An irritant, a nothing
Then desire, unrequited
Jealousy, heartache, hope,
joy, crash, euphoria,
experience, finding, losing
It all wraps around that seed of doubt
Tight and tighter
Hollow in the pit of the stomach
Ache in the chest
Quiet despair
A slope ending in ending
Something Breaks it open
Shatters the form
It all falls away…
Leaving the tiny seed of doubt
Isolation
What builds and breaks
what fears do shake
and in the hollow shift
the blanket moans and rote cries
sleeping soundly with our lies
this nightmare begins as I wake
sorrow pouring in
finger tremble length from the trigger
depression strides and struts it’s stuff on stage
growing larger in the silence of spilling tears
banked memories rekindle flames
dark journeys play out
crippling self doubt
need to touch, to feel, to know
but only the pain crashes down
smothering hope’s reaching hand
