honor

Thoughts on love and my self.

PelgrisLeave a comment

I write poetry and stories here about love. Pretty much always. There are people who I’m romantically interested in who read my work. I wonder what they think of it. I also believe that people, not necessarily them, but I see a bit of overlap. People would think that I am fragile. Or maybe they think that because I love them, they are protecting me. I don’t require protection. I know my heart. I know my emotions. I can sit down and work through the why’s and the causes. I have coping skills. I’m a coping skill warrior monk.

Maybe they try to safeguard their heart. If so, tell me that. If I know that, and I love you, then I will make every effort to keep you from pain by my action.

Here is one of my many rules, for someone I love: I will endeavor, to the best of my ability, to safeguard your heart. Whether through my action, or by allowing harm to come by my inaction. If I fail, and it is possible, tell me. I will address the situation. Honor demands it.

How do you know if I love you? Ask. Ask me directly, not as a coworker or boss, as a person. Ask. My rules, which you probably will have heard about, obligate me. I must speak truth. So ask, “Do you love me?”.

Thoughts on debt as societal currency

PelgrisLeave a comment

I wonder why, on acceptance by some group or another, people feel the need to thank them for it. To thank them for inclusion.

For myself, I may apply for acceptance, but that is as far as I will go. You will include me or not as you choose but I am no fawning sycophant, to bow and scrape because you deign to acknowledge me.

I set the tone, I start the dance, I stand tall included or not. I do not bow or grovel for your acceptance.

Perhaps you consider it polite. However, as a societal gesture, the thank you for inclusion is one of subservience.

I ask, you allow and we walk as equals.

I ask, you allow, I thank you for the privilege and I have have setup a subtext that I needed your permission.

I may act as a guest should, on acceptance, but to allow the power dynamic to subtly shift without acknowledging that it has, is foolish. By thanking them, you are acknowledging a debt, however slight.

Debts are treacherous things. Sometimes, you want to be in someone’s debt. Because as long as you are, as long as the marker is not called in, they have a vested interest in your wellbeing. At least, insomuch, as calling in the marker fits into future plans or as a safety net. But, In debt to one who refuses to be repaid and you are on treacherous ground.

Of course, this presupposes that you, at least, are honorable and acknowledge and accept your debts. As a honorable person, I am always looking at the scales to determine where honorable action to move towards balance lays.

The only exception is in the case of those I love. Who, in effect, I owe and am owed infinity. There is no action I won’t take for someone I love. The only determining factor is, is it the correct action in that moment.