Laying in bed, pillow uncomfortable from the wet of tears

I would walk through fire to make sure a friend was ok.

That’s a thought I had the other night. And it’s true.
I’ve endangered long term friendships to make sure they had information that I couldn’t keep silent about. Information that I wasn’t sure was true, but which, if true, could have devastating consequences.

So knowing that I was about to lose everything. I told them anyway. Saying that I was afraid but that I felt that they needed to know.

I don’t have many friends. At most I can count them on two hands. Probably on one. But I would fight a war to the knife on their behalf.

Perhaps because I live by a code. A simple and perhaps harsh one. Perhaps because I value them more than I value myself. The latter thought hurts the most. So it’s probably more true than not.

I don’t have a point here. Just that there are still things about myself that feel painful. That bring tears and silent screams.

So, I need to listen and be honest and keep writing. I may be better, more whole than I’ve ever been. But still, there is more. And I need to remember that.