Failed state blues

Droplet by droplet time shifts
Each change imperceptible and irrevocable
Spending minutes enriching others as we sink deeper into debt
The economics of survival forcing stress
Shortening our lives and compressing pleasure to the razors edge
Intensity needful to carve one more day from the bloated carcass of dreams passed down
Made illusory by the promise of growth and altruism
Enlightened self interest
Hard to make it when you only need to bump that stock price to jump from the burning building
Safe with a bonus
Dodging the screams and too still silence of the shattered hope for a tomorrow better than yesterday
Priced out of prosperity
Peered at through glass doors
But with instructions written to the side
First, be born wealthy
Second, comform
Lock picks available for a steep fee
One hundredth of a hundredth percent making it out
Lauded by the machinations of wealth
Media owned by the system
Always with the pointed reminder
“It’s your own fault you aren’t prosperous, see this guy, he made it out, it’s easy, just work hard”
Grinding our self down against the blade
Spent to make another sharp
Living in the beginning of a failing state
Economic collapse disguised as the rise and fall of fortune
So hard to see when worried about the price of shelter
Several generations worse off than the one before
And still they cry we didn’t make this situation
This isn’t the result of decades of the dissolution of protections to keep the greedy from plundering the public good
No, you’re just too lazy
Not hungry enough to revolt is the reality
But we’re getting there

Train Whistle

So I have two simultaneous tracks of thoughts running right now and they go like this
Shouts, “Fuck!”

But with different inflections
On the one hand the job I thought I had is vanishing faster than sand in a windstorm. I might as well be standing on the tarmac as it goes flying by while the pilot Shouts, “No really, I have nothing to hide.” Which, as we all know is code for, I have things to hide. And the more it’s repeated, the more we know that the thing you’re hiding is deep and dark.

And on the other hand, I’m excited and anticipatory but apprehensive too. Because, I know it’ll go OK but I also know that I tend to go silent when I’m nervous and when there’s nothing to lose, I’m on top of the world but then I start thinking, and that churn begins. That overthinking and the litany of failure and all my friends saying that’s great but I don’t want you to get hurt and I smile and say I understand when I just want to say too late.

It’ll be fine right?
My life isn’t a pointless series of days where people I love leave me and I’m way too much for anyone, everyone else. My dad’s fine and it’s probably not cancer and even though he’s gotten more conservative than sane Republicans, I’m not ready to lose him.

Did I say 2 tracks?
I must have lost count.