Comfortablely cursed

Life is an amazingly stupid and puzzling place. When we aren’t just trying to survive, we are held back by our pasts and stuck on stutter concerning our futures. We hear what people think about us but don’t really listen to what they are saying. We second guess our desires and dreams and try for the more practical path.

Fuck. I’m no exception to all of this. My past haunts me. People state things all the time but I don’t let them influence me. Both bad and good.

But damn, we need to all just admit to ourselves at least that retreading old paths doesn’t work. Comfort is a luxury, yes. But it’s also a trap. We stay in our bubbles of comfort and when some possibility of something we’ve always wanted presents itself we weigh the possibility of achievement against the possible loss of comfort.

And I understand. I get it. Comfort is comfortable. But ask yourself, am I going to regret not doing this? Not taking this chance? Not taking this action?

Believe me. The actions you take can lead to horrible consequences. But the things that keep you up at night. The things that truly haunt you. They are mostly tied to the actions you don’t take. The path that you wanted more than anything but allowed yourself to be dissuaded by comfort. By good enough.

No one wants to be the one who holds you back. Unless they are selfish assholes who only have their own self interest. Which is most people. I’ve been told that I’m weird in this regard.

In regards to myself, I have as hard a time as anyone with this. With the exception that I’ve structured my life to not allow me to hide. And because of how my mind functions, I can get away with that.

But in regards to my people, I have no issue with sacrifice for them. I get alot back from the people who I consider mine. All wonderful people. But I try to give as good as I get and would sacrifice for them. Because, that’s what being someone like me is all about. We take care of our people.

I’ve wandered a bit off topic.
We need to take the risk that defines us.
For me, that means working towards the goal of being with the people who are in my heart. And one person in particular.

For others it’s something else. But find that something, work towards it,and never settle for merely comfortable when all you desire could be right there at the next step.

Some kind of locksmith

So this side of me
That few get to see
Has unlocked so quickly
However did you get the key?

For those that don’t know
What I don’t often show
So serious, so low

There’s a side to me that’s silly
Delightfully
A bit goofy, yes really

You’re comfortable in your misery

Inflicted by silences
Taken for granted
A punishment for long ago pains
actions aren’t punishable forever
Words spoken, of forgiveness, not matched with action
Need this slot you fill rather than needing you
Why you put up with it is a mystery

Guilt he never lets you forget
Abandoned, silence, neglect
Bought a nice toy to perpetuate the myth
All is well, remember what you did.

Embraced by dark emotions, captured by them
Remember the light
Don’t fall for the allure of the comfortable
Just because the pains aren’t physical
Doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.