Wild frenetic
Anger, rage and despair
Whirl like the Tasmanian devil
Lies and half truths
Spoken as if they were whole
What point
Getting what you want
As if I’m a fool to never see
Everything is revealed eventually
No secret
Is buried forever
poetry month
April problems
Poetry month is basically hollowing me out. Like it does every year. And because I started late it will go into a few days in May. So I’m just blanking on things to write about. I stopped writing about my confusion and pain on a particular subject because it was hurting someone I care about. I have a truly hard time with private. I’m completely open. No off limit topics in my public and private life except in those places where I am bound by personal oaths and legal obligations. So people wanting things private is really hard for me. Because secrets stress me out. I deal for awhile but then there are problems. I’ve had enough secrets that I hate them and I won’t do it. Not for long anyway.
But regardless, I am having real troubles with these last few days.
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Sleep colored glass
Fragments of cold air
Wind blows the turning leaf, south
Arms hold, warmth of her
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Plaque colored choices
His screams surface
Feather kisses escaping as quiet words
Giving up on the things he loves
All this time
Left to contemplate the infinite
Looking into the abyss
Too close to the precipice
Feet slipping towards the edge
Remembrances of what was
As the new slips into place
Builds a fresh despair
Living without hope of joy
Giving up
When perceived obsession gives way
And all that was
Is destroyed
Rather than keep
These last minutes
Of life
Contemplating a future
Without a tomorrow
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Slipshod design
The truth of the world is its all a slow burn
Pointless existence
Scrabbling for the next reason
Seeking anchors to tether
An unquiet soul
But we’re not built for this isolation
It all overwhelms
Until the only choice is shutdown
Or narrow
Making small what was once
Limitless
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It’ll all get better
Dreams are liars
Pain the only truth
Steps forward
Steps back
No difference between this and
Oscillate
Fake meaning for fake lives
Eat sharp intake of breathe
Waiting for the sun
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Binary solution set
People forget
They forget what I’ve said
They forget their promises
They forget what they’ve asked of me
What luxury
To live in a world of forget
What decadence
To discard one set of rules for another
It must be nice
To determine that one code no longer works
And to choose another
More convenience than I am capable of
Maybe that is for the best
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Undercover Penguin
Waiting to take flight
But wings are not my strong suit
But I swim strongly
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Musings on a midnight clear
Do I sound like the recording of my voice?
Is that me?
Am I the man in the electronics?
I can never tell
Sometimes voice is deep and gravelly
Sometimes lighter
Full of winsome
Which is real
Or is it between
Is my voice what I hear it as?
Or what you hear it digitally reproduced as?
Are we both hearing something different?
I never thought of my voice as attractive until someone said it was.
Changing my perspective
Never having perceived it as anything
Special
That makes me think
Maybe I’m wrong about other things too
I wonder what they are
And how I will change in the future
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Is this creepy?
Just drinking my feelings away
Can’t find a way to make anyone want to stay
Maybe I’m just bad at choices
Maybe I needs to accept the losses
I fall in love far too easy
Or maybe that’s just how it seems
I wait
I watch
I learn
Maybe we weren’t talking
But I was seeing
By the time I made the approach
I was a few steps away from falling
So maybe it seems I’m love bombing
But every person I’ve loved is the culmination
Of steps I’ve taken
Unseen
Pelgris 