Author: Pelgris

The human experience

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I find no retraction
For this endless distraction
Serving up memes
Cold substitute for dreams

The night wears on and on
Repost another picture
Quiz says you Hannibal Lecter
How many engagements
Can I make without actually engaging

We learn the superficial
Our friends come down to this though
Which side of the dress debate you fall on

So much easier to hide behind glowing screens
Than come out to play with all that that means

We’re losing ourselves one day at a time
Looking without when it’s all sitting within

Where do your ideas come from?

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These phrases flit across the surface
Just beyond my grasp
They burrow deep
They sup at the well
Of muse and madness

Spring forth putrid fruit
Rotting and roiling
Spring forth ambrosia
Perfect and shining

The true of inspiration
Digs it’s roots
Deep

Catcalling: Doing it wrong?

Pelgris6 Comments

I have lived my whole life never catcalling anyone. But today I thought I’d give it a shot.
I saw a person coming out of the library and I shouted “Hey, smart person! I bet you’ve read a bunch of great books and have interesting ideas!”

The guys at the office said that I did it wrong but I don’t know.
I got his number and we’re seeing each other this Saturday.

 

(this is a joke, I would never catcall anyone, its disrespectful.  But if I did do it, I imagine this is how I would do it.)

Anxiety in the time of seeking

Pelgris4 Comments

I didn’t used to be this person. This person who has this anxiety everytime someone I love even the littlest bit draws away from me. Rationally, they have valid logical and emotional reasons. I understand them and accept them. But it still leaves me with this crushing sense of failure and fear. This thought that I could have said something or did something and that would have made the difference. The thought that I held something back or said too much and that’s why it was so easy(in my mind) for them to walk away. I keep trying and failing and trying and failing. And even when it’s not over, just in a holding pattern, there is this crushed heart feeling. This immense weight and pain that just goes on and on. It gets better. It goes away. Usually just in time for another relationship to start.

The pain is mostly my fault. I fall in love so easily. I see some shining beautiful piece of personality and I fall a little bit. Like holding on to a rope and slipping a bit down it. Scary and exhilarating. And we start the dance and I fall deeper and deeper until, when it ends, I am so deep in, I cannot see the night sky.

Why they walk away

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Too late
Too early
Too persistent
Too nonchalant
Too honest
Too mysterious
Too smart
Too ignorant
Too slow
Too fast
Too sexual
Too frigid
Too weird
But at least not too normal

Circling crows

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This river walks beside me
And I
In its stead
Swim

The birds
stare in silence
As I take up voice
to sing

The winds of coldest winter
Cease howling
In my breast
The storm wakes

Bound….
And bound….
And bound

The words come quietly now
As sleep eludes the dreamer

Further down the rabbit hole

Pelgris2 Comments

Anxiety weaves about
Circles
Wheels
Revealing weakness

Weakness I’d rather you not deal with
You’ve seen it before
But this feels different

Or I’m jumping at shadows
Is it insight or fear
I don’t know which

All I know is everything stops spinning
When you say Sir

Others have said it
And it was nice

But they are playing
You say it differently
And that makes all the difference