Pelgris

I get the privilege of being wired differently. Each experience I have is encapsulated as it’s own individual thing. Each interaction exists independent of other interactions.

This is a result of both how my mind works and how I have constructed my memory. I say constructed because while my memory semi does this already, I have consciously created a subconscious memory palace. It’s not as efficient as a conscious memory palace where one can place a memory and retrieve it with ease. It does, however, have advantages. Instead of distinct edges which separate, my method allows for a fuzziness. This fuzziness allows connection points to other data as well as non-physical datum. In other words it allows me to include emotions. It also allow me to, in conjunction with my creative ability, Take the data point and set it spinning.

By which I mean, I can extrapolate possibilities and probabilities. However, unlike some Patrick Jane or Sherlock Holmsian connection puzzle, my method takes time. Specifically, it takes sleep or quite meditation.

Now, how is this an advantage? Simply put, each interaction, can be isolated and while it is an integrated part of my whole, it is also distinct. Which means that instead of feeling anxiety during Teleconference because of it’s association with work or with meetings, I can feel the moment without the baggage of similar moments. I can enjoy a meal or a conversation without the burden of past meals or conversations and only in hindsight can I compare it.

I wish I could teach others how to do something similar. I can only think that it may be useful. But I have been unable to. I can give the tools I use. But that is not the spark of it. I can tell you what I do, what it feels like to me, but until that moment of epiphany which occurs again and again to become a method…it cannot take hold. How does one give the experience of joy exactly as you feel it?

You cannot, you can only give them the path. And allow them the space of their journey. And fight the inclination to tell them of blind alleys. Of what is possible and not. Because what was possible for you, what was dangerous to you, may not be to them. May indeed be the spark needed to ignite their journey.