Definitely needed more sleep

At 2 am I question my value as a person
There’s no poetry in that
Just a desperate attempt to understand
Not even trying to convince myself I’m not
Just wondering why, if I’m valued, I’m also discarded
Say that I’m better than this but really
If I am
Why is the result the same
I can’t even blame depression brain
Because I’m not depressed
Just
I don’t understand
If I’m so great
Deserve to be happy
Am worthy of love
Then why am I sitting alone in my bed at 2am
Wondering why
Maybe I’m not good at people
Maybe my hearts too weird to love
I don’t know
And not knowing is worse
If I knew and had done everything I could
That would be different
But I kinda don’t want to know
Cause maybe it’s just who I am

5 thoughts on “Definitely needed more sleep

  1. Coyote from Orion August 9, 2018 / 4:00 am

    I woke early this morning in terrible headspace. 9pm now and considerably different. Probably going through some existential issues. I tend to sink into astrology and symbolism to ease it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pelgris August 9, 2018 / 4:06 am

      Sometimes that works for me too. I think the main problem is a feeling of isolation…even though I know that I have people to talk to most of the time, in that time frame of 1am to 3am, when I’m awake and no one else is, those feelings creep in and if my internal checks fail, there is no one awake who can tell me I’m wrong.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Coyote from Orion August 9, 2018 / 5:12 am

        Totally hear you. I get paranoid still after so many years. I have no reason to be afraid yet my mind goes into quantum leaps. I sometimes feel like a sun or star is inside of me.
        Learning to breathe properly has helped I guess.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. hhldr August 9, 2018 / 6:14 am

    Sometimes the love wee seek can be found in ourselves

    Like

    • Pelgris August 9, 2018 / 6:19 am

      I appreciate your comment but I can’t hold myself and tell myself that the things I’m doing are the correct ones. Of course I think I am doing the correct thing, I’m doing them.

      Like

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