How awful to think it

If I could save her, of course I would, of course. It’s easy to say, discounting all the years past that point. Discounting all the changes I made to be a better person.

Of course, I’d go, I’d be there and that would make the difference.
If I could save her I would.
If I could make a different choice
I would
And accept that it means that the man I am now would be annihilated.
All of those experiences that turned me, minute by minute would be destroyed as well.

Of course, I’d save her. Of course.
Knowing how it happened, knowing it all.
Of course, I’d save her. Of course.

And accept that saving her, means dying in her stead. I’d still be breathing but the man I am now would never be. The love I’ve experienced, the people I’ve met, the family I’ve connected with, the goddess of my heart. It all gets snuffed out, turned on the wheel of a choice.

Of course I’d save her
Of course

Mirage 

I’m waiting in this heat
For the spark
To propel me to your side
Revealing all the things I hide
Not in deliberate pose
But from trepidation
Can’t stand the thought
Cause honesty is all I got
Ask me anything
I’ll speak it

Poetry month is kicking my ass

A stress trigger is a release valve
But this one is a old remnant
One I can’t use
So the pressure builds
Looking for a outlet
Whispering desires
Promises of how great
To not think for awhile
But I’m hers
No one else’s

Glimpses under the hood

This world is a broken place
slipshod
cracks showing through
the mummers farce of civilization
Light pearing through holes
as through a barricade
thrown up against anarchy
a thing of furniture and scrap wood
nailed together with the dismissed dreams
of the overeducated youth
vanishing opportunities in the persuit
where your best shot at freedom
is to work in the cubical farms of the new aristocracy
segregated by income brackets
and the one or two who break past those barriers
into rarefied heights
held as a example that it’s possible
meanwhile sweeping aside
the bodies who attempted the same
and fell broken
it’s not the systems fault
it’s ours
we created and fed the system
we grind ourselves in its gears
and call it progress or life
promises to tear it down
end when you become a part of it
and self interest kicks in
we need martyrs not leaders
we need people willing to sacrifice themselves
and their betterment
for the people around them
but instead we grind them to paste
gristle for the share cropper
tilling their cubicle
under the crushing debt
imposed by the society of more

Building character

buoyancy
float up to the rafters
smoke rings circling
chasing each other like the ghosts of butterflies
tired cursing drifts in this space
empty of us
it feels our lack
having never known our touch
this room settles
for other occupants
yearning for a family
one built into its planks and nails
one it never knew
just these poor substitutes
happy couples living happy lives
all candyfloss and no butterscotch

Strength bleeds backwards

There was a time before blood and bind
Before dance and bone
Where reverie wakes
And sky’s do groan

So lonesome
in the endless expanse
Made merry
Give chase

But burn back blades
Fire whips it’s frenzy
All control lost and only
In its absence noted

Shout surrender
Heart pounding
Straining for one last beat
one last hush of blood

Fear permeates
The quiet unsaid
Leaving potential lies
To churn out stomach lining

Waiting for the pustulmelous fragility to burst
Lost in thoughts that won’t cease
And the hardship that comes

Knowing your thoughts
Knowing that you are past bearing
That some words should never be uttered

And the only shelter
Is the arms of silence

Spent casing memories

Spent casing memories
Softly raining down to the wet earth
A thousand rounds per minute
Trying to overwhelm
Hard fought equilibrium

Easier to push them aside until I can’t move, waste deep in wasted ammunition
These rounds fall faster
Burying me neck deep
The smell of gunpowder and lingering cosmoline

Drowning in this bullet hell
Thoughts flying
Keeping me from you

Simplicity itself

It’s simple
I love you
It’s simple
You’re beautiful
It’s simple
We fit
It’s simple

Except its not simple
It never is
But complicated is better
It’s more real

Simple is a dream
The thing we say that
we want before we know
what we want

It’s difficult and messy and perfect for its imperfections.

 I don’t want a fairytale

I want what comes after the curtain fall What comes after happily ever after

I want all that you are
I’m not delusional, I’m just a romantic