Hiding in our lives from ourselves

These phases and phrases that pass us off as normal, do us few favors.

Normal is hiding, normal is manning up or doing as you’re told instead of what’s right.

It’s keeping silent and saying everything is fine when you’ve bought the gun.

It’s saying I need to work through this alone when being alone makes it worse but we enshrine independence as some kind of peak but it’s other people who lift us up.

It’s being cruel to get the laugh and watching their heart crumble a little.

It’s presenting strength and calm
when inside the storm is raging
and just one touch or word could make all the difference
but no one knows to say
because this facade we build is crafted day by day
and today it looks like any other.

Normal is the killer of dreams and the striving for the middle when the extraordinary is right around the corner.

It’s the lie we tell ourselves to make it all better, that this is normal.

That we have to accept this because most people do
but the truth is we don’t really know
because we are all trying so hard to present normal.

We’re dying from normal. We’re losing our selves to normal. We’re slipping away day by day feeding into the great churn of buy this, it’s normal.

But it’s not too late to steal their normal and make it steel toed boots and black dresses and 5 o’clock shadow.

It’s not too late to make this normal their weird. Weird is their term for different, for outliers.

Weird is my term for kindred. I like your weird. Be weird with me. Fuck normal.

Of circles and bargains

When cast upon the dreaming
We’re split upon the wheel
Forsaken by renewal
Embracing exile

Dance fallow
Sweet groves
In heather sent
And boughs

Mask blight in shadow knowes
Drink blood aged black
Elderberry sweet and bitter
Scent feral kiss in rising moon

Make note of clef
Tongues clever shudder
Moan and befuddle
This ring of silent prose

Emerge dawning
Eyes weary with pose
Predestination and prophecy
My briar rose

Mantra for the anxiety ridden

Today don’t pull away
don’t die a little
don’t worry that she’s not saying hi
don’t read anything into it.

The human experience

I find no retraction
For this endless distraction
Serving up memes
Cold substitute for dreams

The night wears on and on
Repost another picture
Quiz says you Hannibal Lecter
How many engagements
Can I make without actually engaging

We learn the superficial
Our friends come down to this though
Which side of the dress debate you fall on

So much easier to hide behind glowing screens
Than come out to play with all that that means

We’re losing ourselves one day at a time
Looking without when it’s all sitting within

Where do your ideas come from?

These phrases flit across the surface
Just beyond my grasp
They burrow deep
They sup at the well
Of muse and madness

Spring forth putrid fruit
Rotting and roiling
Spring forth ambrosia
Perfect and shining

The true of inspiration
Digs it’s roots
Deep

Catcalling: Doing it wrong?

I have lived my whole life never catcalling anyone. But today I thought I’d give it a shot.
I saw a person coming out of the library and I shouted “Hey, smart person! I bet you’ve read a bunch of great books and have interesting ideas!”

The guys at the office said that I did it wrong but I don’t know.
I got his number and we’re seeing each other this Saturday.

 

(this is a joke, I would never catcall anyone, its disrespectful.  But if I did do it, I imagine this is how I would do it.)

Anxiety in the time of seeking

I didn’t used to be this person. This person who has this anxiety everytime someone I love even the littlest bit draws away from me. Rationally, they have valid logical and emotional reasons. I understand them and accept them. But it still leaves me with this crushing sense of failure and fear. This thought that I could have said something or did something and that would have made the difference. The thought that I held something back or said too much and that’s why it was so easy(in my mind) for them to walk away. I keep trying and failing and trying and failing. And even when it’s not over, just in a holding pattern, there is this crushed heart feeling. This immense weight and pain that just goes on and on. It gets better. It goes away. Usually just in time for another relationship to start.

The pain is mostly my fault. I fall in love so easily. I see some shining beautiful piece of personality and I fall a little bit. Like holding on to a rope and slipping a bit down it. Scary and exhilarating. And we start the dance and I fall deeper and deeper until, when it ends, I am so deep in, I cannot see the night sky.

Why they walk away

Too late
Too early
Too persistent
Too nonchalant
Too honest
Too mysterious
Too smart
Too ignorant
Too slow
Too fast
Too sexual
Too frigid
Too weird
But at least not too normal