To tell a story about breathing
About air filling lungs
About not thinking about you
About not dreaming about you
Only this pressure building
From within to without
Exhale
Expel it out
But lead sits heavy
All the things I cannot say
Because I wait
Month: April 2017
Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs is a hard read. *spoiler alert* *trigger warning*
Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs is a hard read.
*spoiler alert*
I’d forgotten the rape in Iron Kissed. I think I blocked it out. I fills me up with rage. Makes me want to find whoever would do this and remove them from the world. I know it’s a novel, but I also know it happens. And that, often, the victim feels like it is their fault. That our so called justice system makes them out to be complicit in their own attack. It fills me with cold rage. I understand Adam’s reaction and the frustration at not being able to do anything to help his love. He was too late. And now that he’s here he doesn’t know how to make it better. Everything he is, every contact, every skill cannot make it better. And you can’t kill someone twice.
Our world is broken that this occurs in it. Doubly so that those who commit these atrocities are allowed to walk free. To keep breathing.
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Waking alone
These moments of desperation
Reaching for you
And finding absence
Scrabbling for purchase
In this new normal
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Waning proximity
In broiling heat
Sleep steals strength
Depression saunters its way across the stage
Hope of renewal, forgotten
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Another’s necessity
Footsteps echo
Staccato fade
Doing
what I never would
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Dark contemplation
I worship at your feet
Or suspend you in ropes and dark gazes
For you I’ll switch
Yours is mine and I am yours
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Missed opportunities
What missed opportunity did I fail at when I failed to introduce myself? Or did you have a reasonable expectation of privacy and I should not intrude on your night out. Do I blame myself for awkward cowardice? Or was I being considerate by not inserting myself. Or perhaps I thought but, you are not the Goddess of my Heart and I am no where near a headspace to do you justice? Or maybe, in my overthinking I missed all opportunity. And though you smelled amazing perhaps just enjoy the Neil Gaiman talk sitting in row L seat 7 and accept that it’s far too late now.
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Choices to be made
Choose my problems over his
Our dreams over the static
Your happiness over expectations
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Fruit wine
Drink me amidst your revelry
Dance in stubborn smile
Laugh in joyous pennery
A kiss to hold the while
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Thoughts of a Sir part 2
To exert control over others through direct control is the weakest form of dominance. One should strive to display the virtues you hold as dear. Exert from the self outward. Support, demonstrate, uplift, correct only when doing so is beneficial to the one being corrected. Be honest with yourself as to your desires. But always with control moving forward. My joy is not in controlling others. It is from that control aiding them in their path. Allowing them the structure to become more. It is easy to take obedience. Harder to be a person worthy of it. And that is where the beauty is. You move and they follow, not because you have imposed your will, but because they have chosen to do so.
Pelgris 